New You Jokes - Page 78 - Worst Jokes Ever

Me: Hey, were you born on a highway?

My enemy: Uh, no, why?

Me: Because that’s where most accidents happen.

Would you watch a tree grow? Or a knee grow?

What is the difference between you and a calendar?

A calendar has dates.

Suck on my big fat ding dong, you idiot!

You call your dad the sun because he is 90 million miles away.

Your hairline is so bad when you need a role model who has been having a tough life, you go to your barber.

Are you a bullet? Because I can't get you out of my head.

Did you hear about the guy that posts all of the "Hairline Jokes"?

Answer: Yeah, he's a COMPLETE IDIOT!

What do you call an Indian that doesn’t smell?

Asif

Why are you wearing a cap? Oh, I know, to cover your hairline!

Caution: Looking at your hairline can cause you to be delirious and have hallucinations.

If you measured your hairline with a protractor, it would show 90 degrees.

If you tried to look at your hairline in a mirror, it would shatter into 100,000,000,000 pieces.

How can you tell it's a gay barbecue?

'Cause all the hot dogs taste like shit.

Did you all hear about the newest gay celebrity couple? Yeah, John Fitzpatrick and Patrick Fitzjohn.

This morning, I was having a conversation with my ex-boyfriend about reincarnation. I said to him, "If you could come back in the next life as anything, what would you come back as?" He thought about it for a minute and says, "A tree. That way, everybody can look at me and admire me."

Then he says the same thing to me. I started thinking about it when these two sexy, half-naked studs walked by. One was a jock, the other on his bicycle. I know I said I want to come back as a jockstrap or a bicycle seat, but knowing my luck, I'll come back as a tampon.

There were two friends talking one day. Tim tells John, "I think I'm gay."

John says to Tim, "What do you mean?"

Tim says, "When I grow up, I want to dress like a woman and sing karaoke in a bar and call myself (Gillette the best a man can get)!"

John says to Tim, "I think you're right, and thanks for reminding me I need to buy razors."

Chuck Norris came up with the name for Walker, Texas Ranger in sheer brilliance. You can arrange each letter for the name of the show to display the true name being "Wrangler Karate Sex!"