What did the girl with no arms get for Christmas?
We dunno, she ain't opened it yet.
Aunt: On the internet, buying weight loss pills for 15 dollars.
Niece: I found that show on Netflix that you wanted to watch. It's 3 dollars to watch.
Aunt: I'm not paying for that shit.
Niece: Yet you sit there and buy weight loss pills.
I wondered why the pitcher hadn’t pitched the ball yet.
Then it hit me.
My dad drove past a graveyard. He said, "I won't be buried there." I asked why.
He said, "Because I am not dead yet!"
I’m light as a feather, yet the strongest person can’t hold me for five minutes. What am I?
This isn't a joke. My dad went to the shops for some bread 16 years ago. He still hasn't returned. Should I be worried yet? Or should I wait a year?
What's the difference between Elton John and rapboat?
Elton is talented, rich, and openly gay. Rapboat got fuck all talent, no money, and is not out of the closet yet.
A Russian wife turned to her husband and asked...
"What's this special military operation our glorious leader keeps talking about?"
Her husband replied, "It's a proxy war between Russia and NATO."
"Oh, right. How's it going?"
"Well," he replied, "so far we've lost 200,000 soldiers, 4,000 tanks, 500 aircraft, numerous helicopters, loads of armoured vehicles and artillery pieces along with our 'flag ship'."
"Wow! What about NATO?"
"They haven't turned up yet."
Dang... if I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put D IN U ;)
I only know there are 25 letters in the alphabet, I don't know Y.
(Me: How many letters are in the alphabet?) -- (Friend: 11- T-H-E-- A-L-P-H-A-B-E-T)
(Me: There are 20 letters in the alphabet, right?) -- (Crush: No, there is actually 26.) -- (Me: oooOoh, I forgot u r a qt! So its acdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz?) -- (Crush: You forgot the D) -- (Me: That's not needed yet ;])
What letter is really hot? T
C = cOCK O = CoCK C = COcK K = COCk COCK = cock cock = COCK
ME SExUAL SRrY LoL
me: I saw an emo kid that got a haircut today. But instead of saying “Like ya cut g” and slapping the neck. I slapped the wrist and said “Like ya cut’s g”.
Emo kid: He said like your bullet holes G
me: i have no bullet holes
emo kid: not yet you dont
me: ayo what the fuc*
There are millions of people in the world, yet you are here.
Why haven't they put Stephen Hawking in charge yet?
I called an orphan's house, saying: "Are your parents home yet?"
He started crying.
What do you call 2 emos making out in a science classroom?
My Chemical Romance.
yo mamma so fat that she like that ocean we haven't even explored 5% of her yet
What happened to Stephen Hawking after he reached Heaven?
Nothing yet. He is still struggling to get up the stairway to Heaven.
We the jury are yet to deliver our final verdict, but we would like to have a guess.
Is it Mrs. Peacock with the candlestick in the library?
You see a boat filled with people, yet there isn’t a single person on board. How is that possible?
All of them are married!
What question can you never answer yes to?
Answer: Are you asleep yet?
What's the difference between me and a corpse? I mean, I'm not dead... yet, right?
