Yesterday Jokes

I saw my wife at the dam yesterday. Drat. I was hoping she might float a bit more downstream.

So today is my birthday today am 13 but yesterday am going to turn 10.but am not even go to school to know the number ten becuase one time at 10 pm in the morning it was so cold in in my hot room so I want outside to drive my car to drive my car. But I stopped becuase the light turn green.i was talking a bath in the front of my car out it didn’t have bin so am taking a sh$t

Me: I bombed the 2 tests yesterday Friend: What were the tests about? Me: Japan

I was making vegetable soup yesterday but the wheelchair wouldn’t fit

Got a job at the library yesterday... It lasted fifteen minutes... Turns out books about women's rights don't belong in the fiction section

They told me throwing babies was bad but guess what I did yesterday? I threw my baby cousin down the escalator.

So yesterday, I was at an orphanage, harassing children by twerking at them,

They burst into tears.

I was worried that they would call their mom,

well.. um.. i got away

An Orphan asked if they could move into my house yesterday, i said "Don't you have a family?"

Father and mother are making love in the bedroom. Mother is on top of father. Suddenly the son enters the bedroom. Everyone is embarrassed, of course.

The next morning, the mother takes the little boy aside and says, "I'll tell you about what you saw yesterday, you know Dad has a big belly and that's why mom sometimes sits on top of that belly to push it flat." . Says that little boy: "But mama, that does not make any difference." "Oh no?" the mom asks. "No," says the little boy, "When you go to work, the neighbor comes, and she puts herself on her knees for Dad, and sheblows his belly up again!"

Hi! Welcome to Papa John's abortion clinic where yesterday's meat is todays treat. How may I be of service?

Yesterday I saw an orphan kid playing GTA and told him he cant get 5 stars because he ain't wanted

Bro yesterday this bird made the weirdest chirp. It sounded something like this: *error code 6, 4, 4, 2, sound: bird call, failed to play, government drone 0, 7, 7, 5 requires maintenance* Anyone know what bird that is?

Yesterday I asked an emo girl if shes jealous when her phone dies.

Yesterday I made food using oil- Olive oil (I love oil)

Yesterday I went to a lightbulb party.and it was lit

Yesterday I bought my daughter a cat , but accidentally hit her with the car today. I have no idea what to do with the cat now.

Me:I saw your parents yesterday

Orphan girl: Where

Me:The coffin was still open

Yesterday i saw an orphan walking down the street. I asked him if he was ok. He said no so i asked him if he needed help. And he said yes so i let him in my car and said dont worry you’ll be home with you parents soon. He said my parents died. I said i know.

I went to the doctors yesterday I said: when I touch my back it hurts when I touch my knee it hurts when I touch anything it hurts! 😣 what’s wrong with me Doctor: you’ve broken your finger