Yesterday Jokes

Me:I saw your parents yesterday

Orphan girl: Where

Me:The coffin was still open

My Father touched me yesterday i called him a priest

Yesterday I bought my daughter a cat , but accidentally hit her with the car today. I have no idea what to do with the cat now.

Roses are red

Violets are blue

I saw a monkey yesterday

And thought it was you

I went to the doctors yesterday I said: when I touch my back it hurts when I touch my knee it hurts when I touch anything it hurts! 😣 what’s wrong with me Doctor: you’ve broken your finger

I accidentally bumped into a midget yesterday. Me; "Are you ok sir?" Midget; "Well, I'm not happy." Me; Well, which one are ya?

Yesterday we lost a quarter of our roof in the storm, oof

yesterday i tickled my granddaughters feet she is being born in 2 months

This joke includes potentially sensitive content.

if someone calls you just say this is peters abortion clinic and pizza restaurant were yesterdays loss is today's sauce

I broke my arm yesterday, my bro said it is Arm-mageddon. And I still don’t know why.

I got detention yesterday vecause I called the group of emo kids the suicide squad

my teacher asked me what my favirote number was yesterday and i said 2977, i chose 91 for my football jersey number and sharpied a 1 after the other 1, and my teacher mr jacksons dad died in 9/11 and when he was talking about it friday the 9th i threw a paper airplane at him and got suspended for 3 days starting monday

SOOOO my sister said her first bad word yesterday. Shit. My mum was like what did you just say child??? Sister: I said the cat shits inside like the dog shi- uh oh...... Now I've avoided this stuff by making my own word: Sugarplum. Sugarplum = shit...

My sister made some pie and it tasted horribly... so I said this.... This pie is very sugarplum-y. She said what do you mean by that? I said It tastes like sugarplums...

Me: Sorry I couldn’t make it to school yesterday, I had an appointment. Teacher: What kind of appointment?? Me: I had an appointment with a cut day😈😈😈

True story