Yesterday jokes

Me: My girlfriend broke up with me yesterday, and I had her wheelchair.

Me: Guess who came crawling right back?

I had to take my pet octopus to the vet yesterday.

Oh, don’t worry, he’s okay now.

But the vet charged me six quid.

Yesterday, I tried to help a little girl by a road stop crying. I asked her where her parents were, and that made her cry harder. So then I asked her where her house was, and she said with tears, "I don't have one." So I got her in my car and drove her to where she said she was living. It was an orphanage.

This is Riley abortion clinic. Yesterday's loss is today's sauce.

Yesterday I made food using oil--olive oil.

(I love oil!)

I called the Chinese takeaway yesterday. A man picked up the phone and said: "Hello! I am Wan Kin, the chef." I said that I'll come back later.

Got a PS5 for my little brother yesterday, best trade I'd ever done.

Why did the orphan get 1 mark out of 6 from a project yesterday? Because it was a family tree project.

I accidentally bumped into a midget yesterday.

Me: "Are you ok sir?"

Midget: "Well, I'm not happy."

Me: "Well, which one are ya?"

An orphan asked if they could move into my house yesterday. I said, "Don't you have a family?"

So, today is my birthday. Today, I am 13, but yesterday I am going to turn 10. But I am not even going to school to know the number ten, because one time at 10 p.m. in the morning it was so cold in my hot room, so I went outside to drive my car. But I stopped because the light turned green. I was taking a bath in the front of my car, and it didn’t have a bin, so I am taking a sh$t.

I met an orphan with a dog yesterday. I chose the dog.

I almost got caught trying to steal a board game yesterday.

It was a Risk I was willing to take.

My wife saw me hit the best drive yesterday with my golf clubs.

I must have drove that chihuahua 300 yards.

I was born yesterday, and I walked down memory lane. I fell over the edge!

A blind woman told me I had a big penis yesterday.

I think she was pulling my leg.

I was at the bank yesterday.

A lady asked to check her balance, so I pushed her over.

Yesterday, a guy threw a liter of milk at me.

How dairy!

I saw my wife at the dam yesterday, which sucks because I wanted her to flow further down.

Yesterday I was in a wind storm.

Today my ears hurt. I guess the wind was ear-itating.