Yesterday, I saw an advert with a random woman dancing, and someone said that they were beautiful.
And then I said, "Except the fat people." And then I got sent to my room for saying that.
i told my friend an egg joke yesterday he thought it was eggcelent.
Yesterday I made food using oil--olive oil.
(I love oil!)
How bad is explosive diarrhea when a Muslim has it? Because my Chipotle blew up yesterday.
Two female mice met and one spoke:
"Yesterday I met a mouse. He was black, and he had wings, and he had some cool, sharp teeth. He said he only ate at night."
Other mouse: "Umm... that's a bat."
"That asshole! He told me that he is a pilot!"
Me: I bombed the 2 tests yesterday.
Friend: What were the tests about?
Me: Japan.
I was just informed that my ex was stabbed yesterday..lets just say i quit my job as a butcher
I had to take my pet octopus to the vet yesterday.
Oh, don’t worry, he’s okay now.
But the vet charged me six quid.
I had to take my pet octopus to the vet yesterday.
Oh, don't worry, he's okay now.
But the vet charged me six quid.
"was lost in the woods yesterday,"
"i was in some sticky situation..."
I told my friend yesterday he's literally my dad.
He didn't show up for the rest of the year.
I was born yesterday, and I walked down memory lane. I fell over the edge!
The weirdest thing happened yesterday. My dad came back from work... He’s a suicide bomber.
Kid -dad I want santa to give me iphone Indian poor dad- son santa is deaf Kid-no he is not I saw him on Tv yesterday Indian poor dad-oh actually I asked him to for a new wife may be he is wearing AirPods Kid-you are my santa daddy Indian poor dad- pull down you pants son Kid-it's not apple product Indian poor dad -its banana
One day there were these 3 cowboys sitting next to a fire and they were telling each other about their adventures. Well, the first cowboy said, "I tangled with a bull that killed 6 people, so I wrestled that son of a bitch to the ground with my bare hands."
The second cowboy said, "That's nothing. Yesterday I was walking on a trail and came across a rattler, so I picked it up, bit its head off, and drank all his venom in one gulp."
The third cowboy remained quiet, stirring the embers of the fire with his penis.
Watched a really cool cartoon about rabbits with downs syndrome yesterday you should try watch it on catch up... Watership Downs
I went to the National Redhead Meeting yesterday.
Not a soul in sight.
Why can't you fool an aborted fetus? Because it wasn't born yesterday.
I broke the sink yesterday; the handle just blew right off! My dad was so mad, he blew his stack!
I live next to a kindergarten, and yesterday they had a fire drill. It was kinda weird because normally it's me who has a drill around little children.
