The doctor and said he had good news and bad news. The Good news is that you have 24 hours to live. The bad news is I forgot to call you yesterday.
Father and mother are making love in the bedroom. Mother is on top of father. Suddenly the son enters the bedroom. Everyone is embarrassed, of course.
The next morning, the mother takes the little boy aside and says, "I'll tell you about what you saw yesterday, you know Dad has a big belly and that's why mom sometimes sits on top of that belly to push it flat." . Says that little boy: "But mama, that does not make any difference." "Oh no?" the mom asks. "No," says the little boy, "When you go to work, the neighbor comes, and she puts herself on her knees for Dad, and sheblows his belly up again!"
I've had the best butterfingers, yesterday. - I dropped it.
I went to the shops yesterday, I bought roast chicken, eggs and duck. The cashier read $45.99 it was an eggcelent price.
I hit myself on a window yesterday. I really felt the pane.
I got some new jeans yesterday, until I realised they didn't fit me around the waist so I went looking for a belt. I couldn't find one. Then I had a really good idea. I could attach a ton of watches together to make a belt! But then I just thought it was a waist of time.
I accidentally bumped into a midget yesterday. Me; "Are you ok sir?" Midget; "Well, I'm not happy." Me; Well, which one are ya?
I had a horrible nightmare yesterday. I was in a room filled with all of my ex's, so I was completely alone.
Yesterday, a clown held the door open for me. It was such a nice jester!
Doctor: I have good news and I have worse news Patient: Well what's the bad news Doctor: You have one day left to live Patient: What news could possibly be worse Doctor: I've been trying to contact you sense yesterday
Yesterday I asked my friend “ What is a fish without eyes” They replied “I don’t know” I said “ fsh “
Yesterday I was fucking my sister and she said' you fuck a lot like dad I said "really mum said that too."
I killed a Wood elf yesterday. The gaurd charged me with...mer-der
I got hit in the head with a can of soda yesterday. Luckily for me, it was a soft drink.
Someone butt-dialed me again yesterday. It seems that only assholes want to talk to me.
I bought the worlds worst thesaurus yesterday. Not only is it terrible, its terrible.
MY GIRLFRIEND BROKE UP WITH ME YESTERDAY. i ASKED HER WHY. sHE SAID, BECAUSE YOU'RE A PEDOPHILE. I REPLIED, "PEDOPHILE! THAT'S A BIG WORD FOR AN EIGHT YEAR OLD."
Me and my cousin went to a restaurant yesterday I ordered my chicken fried, he ordered his chicken alive
Yesterday in my dream I ate a ten pound marshmallow, when I woke up, my pillow was gone.
"I wasn't that drunk yesterday." "Oh boy you took the shower head in your arms and told it to stop crying."
