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Year

Year jokes

The Stephen Hawking space telescope will be launched next year. Apparently, it will have four wheels and run off Windows 7.

20 years later

Johnny: Hey dad.

Dad: Yea?

Johnny: Fuck you, I ain't comin' back to your grave in 16 years, then ima come back, BITCH!

Dad: Doing the same thing I did to you and your mother, ay? I deserve it :( ;O not real...NOT A FUCKING ALL.

Johnny: Yea you kinda fucking do.

Dad:...

Little Johnny: Hey, Dad, are you finally back with the milk?

Dad: Yea, but it's expired, so I'm going back to the "milk store" and get more (and not come back for a couple more years). :)

What's the difference between you and me?

I have a plan for this new year.

So long, suckers. Keep scrolling.

My girlfriend was born on February 29th, so does that mean she is 2 years old?

My doctor said I only have 1 year to live, so I killed him. Got sentenced to life in prison, problem solved!

Last year, I got kicked out of the Hospital for telling COVID patients to stay positive!

What does an orphan have in common with an 80-year-old woman? Their parents will never come back.

I wrote a few jokes:

What does a 15-year-old boy do without two hands when his parents are not at home? Well, obviously do not jerk off.

Yesterday a girl from my job invited me to her home and there I had crazy sex. I could not think that her mother is so hot.

What will happen the morning after the destruction of humanity? Duncan MacLeod makes himself breakfast.

How's George Floyd doing these days? Being drug-free for a year, he must be feeling pretty swell.

What's the best thing about fucking twenty-one year olds?

That there's twenty of them hoo hoo hee hooo harr haar dee harr harr

So, there's Fred and Frank. Now, they've been friends for years, but Fred, see, he's depressed. Badly.

Either way, so F+F are texting each other, and here's how it goes: (this is my first joke, so please don't judge too harshly)

Frank: Yo

Fred: Hi...

Frank: U heard about de competition?

Fred: Yeah...

Frank: You wanna hang out?

Fred: .......

Frank: What? I've got some noose (news) for you.

Fred: ...I(

Frank: Fine.... I guess we need to think of a plan, though. We don't wanna be hanging on the end.

Fred: *sigh* You know....you really can't rope me into this competition.

Rachel won the lottery twice in two years. Her friend Jim called her every day asking for tips on winning, just the same. Then one day, simply to get rid of him, Rachel said, "Watch two martial arts movies, eat three pieces of hard beef jerky, and pick a fight at a bar."

Jim replied with a shocked look, "That's what I do after Mr. Tugman shakes my hand too long."