Vineyard jokes

What did the grape say when it was stepped on? Nothing, it just let out a little wine.

What did the grape say when he got squished? Nothing, he just let out a little wine.

The wine taster at an old vineyard died. A homeless guy, looking ragged and dirty, came to apply. He persuaded the manager to give him a try.

The guy was given a glass of wine. He swirled, smelled, sipped, and spit. “It's a red wine, Merlot, three years old, grown on the South Slope and matured in oak barrels,” he said. "Impressive," said the manager.

The man is given another. “Still a red wine, Cabernet, eight years old, from the Northeast slope, stored in steel vats.”

The manager was amazed. He winked at his secretary. The secretary understood and brought out a glass of urine. The drunkard tasted it and said, “It's a blond, 27 years old, three months pregnant, and if I don't get this job, I'll tell who the father is!”

What does Mrs. Grapes 🍇 love the most?

Raisin' kids.

What did the grape say to the rapper?

"You're so VINE, you must be on the JUICE!"

What happens to grapes when you step on them? They wine.

What does a grape do if a rhino is about to squash it?

Nothing, it just lets out a little wine.

Vegan is actually an old Indian word for "bad hunter."

I like my dates like I like my wine...

Locked in a cellar and aged for 12 years.