Work jokes

I lent my sister my bed. The next morning, she told me it worked like a dream.

What do cheetahs wear to work?

They can't change because cheetahs can't change their spots!

What’s the worst part about a dead prostitute?

You end up doing all the work.

My manager told me to have a good day. So I didn't go into work.

What do you call a can opener that doesn't work? A can't opener.

Why does the military pick orphans as fighter pilots?

Because homing missiles don't work on them.

What do lady dogs (bitches) wear to work?

Pant suits.

What did Goodlife Fitness say to LA Fitness? "I guess it's just not 'working out'!"

Why did the rapper go to therapy?

To work on his FLOW ISSUES.

How does a booty stay in shape?

It works its glutes off!

What happens when you work in the Twin Towers? It connects to airplane WiFi.

There was a house with a three-story building.

The first one had Mexicans.

The second one had Africans.

The third one had white people.

An earthquake came.

But who did survive?

The white family because they were at work.

Hi, how are you? Busy, busy today, and I have to...

What did an orange say the day before going to work?

"Back to the rind!"

At work: Hey guys, I'm gonna Arnold clock out now.

Q: Where does a one-legged waitress work?

A: IHOP.

Jack and Jill went up the hill so they can fetch some pee. Jack fell down and broke his whole body. Jill just laughed and didn’t care, so now they have a daughter.

Jake, Tommy, and Mike were adopted. Jake got adopted, Tommy got adopted, and Mike. Mike grew up to be an office worker. So you get a new job, and hear something about this guy named Mike.

The next day you go into the office and Mike is sitting next to you, with unicorns and rainbows and stuff. Then, a co-worker comes up and says, "No one told you Mike was gonna be this GGGAAAAYYYYY!"

Me: Hey, do you wanna hear a joke?

Friend: Sure.

Me: Why don't churches have WiFi?

Friend: Why?

Me: They can't compete with an invisible force that actually works.

I found an alien in my backyard. I put him to work. He went to a farm, and I never saw him again. Moments later, he is on the Daily Planet acting as a reporter. A green rock smashed my house. I called him back, and he passed out.

I remarked, "You lazy!"