Work jokes

Damn, this computer stopped working. It's got autism.

A no legged manager runs the nearest pizza place called Your Pizza Is A Joke.

I (J0K35) worked there and this happened...

Manager: WHY ARE THE PINEAPPLES IN THE TRASH?

Me: Because nobody eats fucking pineapple pizza.

Manager: THAT'S IT! I'M KICKING YOU OUT OF THIS PLACE!

Me: You can't kick me out.

Manager: Why not? Huh?

Me: Because you need legs to kick, and you don't have any.

I love working with animals, especially when I get to hear their cries of help.

What do cheetahs wear to work?

They can't change because cheetahs can't change their spots!

I lent my sister my bed. The next morning, she told me it worked like a dream.

There was a house with a three-story building.

The first one had Mexicans.

The second one had Africans.

The third one had white people.

An earthquake came.

But who did survive?

The white family because they were at work.

Why does the military pick orphans as fighter pilots?

Because homing missiles don't work on them.

What happens when you work in the Twin Towers? It connects to airplane WiFi.

Hi, how are you? Busy, busy today, and I have to...

What did an orange say the day before going to work?

"Back to the rind!"

What do lady dogs (bitches) wear to work?

Pant suits.

What did Goodlife Fitness say to LA Fitness? "I guess it's just not 'working out'!"

At work: Hey guys, I'm gonna Arnold clock out now.

Q: Where does a one-legged waitress work?

A: IHOP.

My manager told me to have a good day. So I didn't go into work.

What do you call a can opener that doesn't work? A can't opener.

What’s the worst part about a dead prostitute?

You end up doing all the work.

How does a booty stay in shape?

It works its glutes off!

Why did the rapper go to therapy?

To work on his FLOW ISSUES.

Jack and Jill went up the hill so they can fetch some pee. Jack fell down and broke his whole body. Jill just laughed and didn’t care, so now they have a daughter.