Work jokes
The cop that is on a 12 o'clock shift says, "Hands up!"
At a date:
He: "I work with animals every day."
Me: "Oh, how sweet! What do you do?"
He: "I'm a butcher."
What do you call an Autistic kid?
A work of Daniel.
I tried to think of how lighting works.
Then it struck me!
I used to have a friend who worked at a car shop who liked hunting.
I’m not friends with him anymore because he turned my dog into a car-pet.
How many babies does it take to shingle a roof? Depends on how thin you slice them. -Hope Marie Lawson
I did a ton of work today, a skele-ton.
The experienced carpenter really nailed it, but the new guy screwed everything up.
When I was little, I would pray to Jesus every night for him to get me a new bike. I learned one week in Sunday school that that's not how it works, so instead I just stole one and asked him for forgiveness.
A man with no arms is tasked with a lot of jobs. Then he says to his boss, "I can't handle all of this!"
I've done a ton of work today.
A SKELE-ton of work!
What did the guy exclaim after inventing the shovel?
It is ground breaking!
Why was the man fired from a calendar factory? He took a day off.
Why did the girl quit her job at the donut factory?
She was fed up with the hole business.
If a midget with down syndrome shows up late for work, is it okay to say she's a little tardy?
Who can shave 20 times a day and still have a beard? -- A barber.
Why did the gym close down? -- It just didn't work out.
Why do cows wear bells?
Because their horns don't work.
I lost my job at the bank on my very first day. -- A woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.
I went for a job interview today and the manager said, "We're looking for someone who is responsible."
"Well, I'm your man," I replied, "In my last job, whenever anything went wrong, they said I was responsible."