Wood jokes
What did the tree say to the Lumberjack? Leaf me alone!
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing, and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says, "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence; then a gunshot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says, "OK, now what?"
Hey, did you know Paul Walker's gay?
Why do you say that?
Because he likes to wrap himself around long, old wood.
What's the difference between the woods and a hooker?
Some hookers have passions for nature. Other hookers will Kill ThEIR Tricks for payback!!!!!!
Driving through the woods today, I saw a boy with a bare behind.
It's not surprising there isn't a whole lot of good tree jokes.
Most foresters have a wooden personality.
So, a guy and his brother were walking in the woods, and his brother said, "It's getting dark out here, can we go home?"
The man said, "I know, think how I will feel walking home tonight!"
Jefferey Dahmer asked his husband a question.
His husband said, "What's your question?"
Jefferey Dahmer said, "You want to know what is my favorite type of tree?"
His husband said "Yes?"
Jefferey said, "Morning Wood, now take off your pants!"
Two boys are wandering in the woods, playing games.
Suddenly, they come across a naked lady, and one of the boys starts running. The other chases after him and asks: "Why did you start running?"
The boy replies with: "My mom said if I ever see a naked lady, then I would turn to stone. And I can already feel a part of me turning hard."
The name Brynley means "burnt wood" lolololol.
Tiger Woods is a lion cheetah. He took a wife and seventeen mistresses because he just had to play all eighteen holes.
I had morning wood one day. Then my sister saw it and said, "I can help!"
A man and a child walk into a forest.
The kid says, "Um, sir, it's getting dark, and I'm getting kinda scared."
The man says, "Yeah, well, think how I feel. I have to walk back out alone."
What do friends and trees have in common? They both fall down when you hit them with an axe.
The next woman who says she'd rather be alone in the woods with a bear, I'm throwing her in a pit with a bear and making her fight it with a wooden sword while drinking and singing "The Bear and the Maiden Fair."
The doe comes out of the woods, shakes herself, and says,
"I can't believe I did that for 2 bucks!"
A guy walks into a magical forest looking to cut down a tree. The best one he can find is a magical talking tree. He holds his axe up ready to slice and begins to swing when the tree says, "Stop! I'm a magical tree. You can't cut me." "I'm a magical tree!" the man mocks, then as he goes to swing the axe he says, "You may be a magical tree... But you will dialogue!"
A lion would never drive while drunk.
But a tiger wood.
What's flat chested and emo? A cutting board.
Your forehead's so big even Barry Wood said, "Wow, that's huge!"