Wood Jokes

The very young and pretty nun was walking home from the soup kitchen when a homeless man dragged her into the woods and had his way with her.

When he was done, he asked her what she would tell the Mother Superior when she got back to the convent. She calmly said that she would tell her the truth.

She said: "I will tell her that I was on my way home when the most disgusting, repulsive, and abhorrent man dragged me into the woods and had his way with me... twice; that is if you are not too tired."

What did the tree say to the Lumberjack? Leaf me alone!

What is white, then red, and is very fast?

My chainsaw blade.

Driving through the woods today, I saw a boy with a bare behind.

What Football Club does Mason Greenwood play for?

Prison FC

A lion would never drive while drunk.

But a tiger wood.

What nails do carpenters hate to hit?

Thumb nails.

Three Indians get captured by an enemy leader, and the leader says, "Go in the woods and find 10 fruits of the same kind."

The first one comes back with apples. The enemy leader says, "Shove them up your butt and don't make a sound, or I will kill you." He gets to two and yells. The leader kills him. He goes up to heaven.

The second guy comes back and has grapes. He gets to 9 and laughs. The leader kills him. He goes to heaven.

The first guy asks the second guy why he laughed, saying he had it in the bag. The second guy said he saw the third guy carrying pineapples.

Hey did you know Paul walker's gay Why do you say that Because he likes to wrap himself around long old wood

There were three men in a car: the driver, a homeless man, and a rapper. The driver takes them to the woods and says, "I'm not really a cab driver, I'm a wanted killer." The homeless man says, "I'm not really homeless," and pulls out a chain. The rapper says, "If we're gonna be completely honest, I'm not a rapper, I'm a cop!"

A termite walks into a bar and says, "Hey, is the bartender here?"

You know why Elmer Fudd always came out hunting rabbits in the woods? Because Bugs Bunny would not stop flirting with his girlfriend.

A boy walks into some woods with a phone, and his friend comes by and asks, "What are you doing?"

He pauses, then says, "Trying some bird calls!"

Glad to present you a wood clock.

https://olegon.ru/clock/

How do you know when you are dating a cannibal?

You go to the beach, he offers to put suntan oil on you, and the brand name is Wesson.

You are having sex and he says he wants to eat your a$$ and you notice he is holding a knife and fork.

He invites you to his home to use the hot tub and it is heated by a wood fire.

You are having an argument and you say "bite me" and he starts to sharpen his teeth.

I'll kill a bitch like the policeman did to that white women he chopped her up and put her in the woods the suck fuck.

school shootings are everywhere. in ice cream shops and even the woods

She's so fat that when she steps onto a wood floor, the floorboard doesn't creak, it screams: "Goddamn!!!" before it snaps from the weight.

Having sex in the woods and a deer walks up and fucks you from the back.

I rolled over a log and underneath was a tiny little stick, and I was like, "That log had a child!"