Wood jokes
What did Snow White say when she sat on Pinocchio? "Lie to me."
A child and a child molester walk into a forest together. The child turns to the molester and says, "Boy, these woods are scary." The molester says to the child, "You think you're scared? I have to walk out of here alone."
Are you a tree? Cuz I’m trying to hang with you. ;)
Two boys are wandering in the woods, playing games.
Suddenly, they come across a naked lady, and one of the boys starts running. The other chases after him and asks: "Why did you start running?"
The boy replies with: "My mom said if I ever see a naked lady, then I would turn to stone. And I can already feel a part of me turning hard."
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He’s not breathing and his eyes are glazed.
The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls 911.
“I think my friend is dead!” he yells. “What can I do?”
The operator says, “Calm down. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.”
There’s a silence, then a shot. Back on the phone, the guy says, “OK, now what?”
Memes
Two hunters are in the woods when one of them collapses. He's not breathing and his gaze is blank. The other hunter grabs his phone and calls emergency services: "My friend is dead! What do I do?"
The emergency dispatcher replies: "Calm down. I can help you. First, make sure he's really dead."
Silence on the other end, then a gunshot. Back on the phone, the hunter asks: "Okay, now what?"
What's brown and sticky?
A stick.
"Honey, let's not go so deep into the woods, please. I'm starting to get scared."
"It's easy for you to talk. I can go back alone right now!"
Q: What's the best way to carve wood?
A: Whittle by whittle.
It's not surprising there isn't a whole lot of good tree jokes.
Most foresters have a wooden personality.
People are like trees...
They fall down when you hit them multiple times with an axe.
What do you call a woodpecker with no beak? A headbanger.
What do you call a dolphin in the woods? Dead.
I bought a wooden whistle. I tried so hard, but it wouldn't whistle.
So I bought a steel one. It still wouldn't let me whistle. Then I got a lead one. It still wouldn't lead me whistle. Then I realised, they were flutes, so the wood would lead me whistle if I did it correctly. Steel....
Me and my girlfriend were walking in the woods.
Her: I am scared!
Me: What do you think I feel? I have to walk back alone.
A lumberjack goes to a person's house.
Then he realized the tree was too big and was stumped and had to leaf.
The name Brynley means "burnt wood" lolololol.
Why did Pinocchio cross the road?
To get to the other lied.
How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could Chuck Norris?
Your forehead's so big even Barry Wood said, "Wow, that's huge!"