Wood jokes
Why did Pinocchio cross the road?
To get to the other lied.
What did the lady say when she sat on Pinocchio's face:
"Tell a truth, tell a lie, tell a truth, tell a lie, tell a truth!"
Your forehead's so big even Barry Wood said, "Wow, that's huge!"
Glad to present you a wood clock.
https://olegon.ru/clock/
Can I branch out to some tree puns? Willow you allow me it鈥檚 only fur. No? Oakome on!
Parents: Let's have a bonfire.
Me: Let's go to the orphanage.
Parents: To bring other children?
Me: No, to have the fire.
Parents: Won't they be missed?
Me: No, because there is nobody to miss them.
Q: What's the best way to carve wood?
A: Whittle by whittle.
Q: Do you know why transgender people are good at being carpenters?
A: Because they have more experience cutting off their wood.
What's flat chested and emo? A cutting board.
Me: I found a group of furries in the woods.
Voice in back: Well, it looks like we're going huntin'.
Do trees shit?
Well, how else would we get #2 pencils?
I came across a dead body in the woods. I liked it so much I came again.
Why did Sellwood get named?
It is made of wood that got sold.
Little Johnny's father says if them boys say another bad word, I'm going to whoop them, and Little Johnny's brother says, "I'd like some fucking food," and he whooped him, and Little Johnny says, "He would. I'd like some food. At least I didn't鈥擨'd like some fucking food. Bye."
Me and my girlfriend were walking in the woods.
Her: I am scared!
Me: What do you think I feel? I have to walk back alone.
I bought a wooden whistle. I tried so hard, but it wouldn't whistle.
So I bought a steel one. It still wouldn't let me whistle. Then I got a lead one. It still wouldn't lead me whistle. Then I realised, they were flutes, so the wood would lead me whistle if I did it correctly. Steel....
I was going to log a pun about trees, but you wooden understand it.
I bought a wooden whistle. But it wooden whistle. So I bought a steel whistle. But it steel wooden whistle. So I bought a lead whistle. But it steel wooden lead me whistle. So I bought an iron whistle. But ironically it steel wooden lead me whistle.
Jesus was a carpenter who got nailed to a piece of wood.
Two hunters are walking in the forest together. Hunter #2 flops down, unconscious, and Hunter #1 dials 911.
Operator: "911, what's your emergency?"
Hunter no. 1: "The other hunter, hunting with me in the woods, fell asleep."
Operator: "Check if he's/she's (not assuming genders) dead."
*Operator hears a distant gunshot*
Hunter no. 1: "What do I do next?"