What's the difference between a man and a table. The table doesn't cry when I break it's legs
James Woods, starring in the newest movie: September 11, two thousand fun
Let’s play carpenter. First we’ll get hammered, then I’ll nail you
Me: I found a group of furries in the woods
voice in back: Well it looks like we're going huntin'
Can I branch out to some tree puns. Willow you allow me it’s only fur. No? Oakome on
What's the difference between Tiger Woods and Princess Diana?
Tiger Woods had a good driver.
Why did the guitarist get fired as a carpenter? He was shredding the floor...
I came across a dead body in the woods. I liked it so much I came again.
What do you call a depressed tree? A wood cutter
A termite walks into a bar and says, "So, is the bar tender here?"
What's flat chested and emo? A cutting board.
wo tall trees, a birch and a beech, are growing in the woods. A small tree begins to grow between them, and the beech says to the birch, “Is that a son of a beech or a son of a birch?” The birch says he cannot tell, but just then a woodpecker lands on the sapling. The birch says, “Woodpecker, you are a tree expert. Can you tell if that is a son of a beech or a son of a birch?” The woodpecker takes a taste of the small tree and replies, “It is neither a son of a beech nor a son of a birch, It is, however, the best piece of ash I have ever poked my pecker into.”
Are you a tree? Cuz I’m trying to hang with you ;)
A child and a child molester walk into a forest together. The child turns to the molester and says, "Boy, these woods are scary." The molester says to the child, "You think you're scared? I have to walk out of here alone."
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He’s not breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls 911.
“I think my friend is dead!” he yells. “What can I do?”
The operator says, “Calm down. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.”
There’s a silence, then a shot. Back on the phone, the guy says, “OK, now what?”
"Honey, let's not go so deep into the woods, please. I'm starting to get scared." "It's easy for you to talk. I can go back alone right now!"
Q: What's the best way to carve wood? A: Whittle by whittle.
People are like trees... They fall down when you hit them multiple times with an axe
What do you call a woodpecker with no beak? A headbanger
