Woman jokes

Lesbian stands for:

L: Loving

E: Extra

S: Shitty

B: Bitches

I: I

A: Am attracted to

N: Nice girls.

I like my vegetables like I like my women: forgotten at the bottom of my freezer.

What do lovely men and tampons have in common?

Both lick up the juices of the women they were made for.

Man and woman are having a discussion. The woman looks into the man's eyes and says, "Honey, you know how I like it when you walk up and stick it in . . . "

". . . but I love it when Bob walks up and sticks it in!"

Divorce is scheduled for next month.

A woman once didn't return home for the night, and the next morning when she arrived home, her husband started questioning her about where she had been. She lied, saying she slept at one of her friends' houses.

The man proceeded to call all her friends, all of whom denied her sleeping at their places the previous night.

Meanwhile, somewhere else, a man didn't return home to his wife for the night either. The following morning, his wife started questioning him, and he lied, saying he slept at a friend's house. She proceeded to call all his friends. All of them said that he indeed slept at their places the previous night, and one of them even insisted that he's still there, but he's using the bathroom and he can't talk right now!

I woke up one night to a strange noise, and when I went to investigate what it was, I found out that it was coming from my parents' room.

I looked inside and counted, ok one, two, three finger men and my mom, so nothing out of the ordinary, so then I checked my sister's room, and I counted 4 other women in the room, but then I realized that the sound was coming from right in front of me. It was my dad giving me a BJ the whole time.

A young woman goes for her first gynecological exam, and the nurse has her take off her clothes, put on a gown, and get in the stirrups. She tells her the doctor will be in in a minute.

The doctor comes in and tells the young lady that she has one of the most beautiful vaginas he’s ever seen, and he has seen a lot of them. She thanks him for the compliment. He tells her he is about to start the examination, but he is going to have to numb her first, when she says ok, he goes:

"Num num num num num!"

The difference between women and beer is that beer makes you happy for nothing, why women make you angry for nothing.

Funny thing is, dead women can't say no...

What’s red, slimy, and makes my wife scream? Two failed abortions!

My wife is a whore, so I pimped her out and broke her mentally and emotionally, taught her a good lesson of being a real woman loyal to her man. End of story, you women are bitches.

Gays: I like men.

Straight: I like women.

Bisexual: A hole is a hole.

A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender, “Are there any girls here?”

The bartender says, “No, only women.”

The man then leaves.

Women have so much evil in their blood that God has to drain it once a month. Hehehehehe

My wife walked in on me cheating on her and said, "How could you cheat on me?!" I said, "She was lying naked on the table what I was supposed to do?" and my wife responded with, "Perform the autopsy."

Q: Why do women only use their lefts?

A: Because they don't have any rights.

Boobies!

The woman said stop, but the man kept going, so the wife just kept fucking.

How can you tell that a woman is asking for sex? Wait for her to drop a bomb on you.

Once upon a time, a man said to a woman, "I want to fuck you."