Woman jokes
So one time I had a dream where I was on a road trip and we drove a golf cart and a Susan, which I don’t know why the heck the name of the car was called a Susan.
We went into this house and there was like a woman there and we went into this bathroom which looked like a public bathroom, which was so weird!
I like my coffee like I like my women.
Big tits.
What do you call a white woman working at an all black company?
Crack/her
Once a naked woman robs a bank, but sadly, no one can remember her face...
I like my women like I like my coffee.
Without other people's dicks in it.
An attractive man and a blonde meet in an elevator.
"Where are you heading today?" the man asks.
"I'm going down to give blood."
"How much do you get paid for giving blood?"
"About $30."
"Wow," says the man, "I'm going up to donate sperm, and the sperm bank pays $100."
The woman, slightly annoyed, gets off the elevator. The next day, the man and woman meet in the elevator again.
"Fancy meeting you again. Where you off to today?"
"Sperm bank," she mumbles with her mouth full.
Three nuns die in a car crash, but they all make it to heaven. They're standing at the pearly gates, and Saint Peter says to them, "Don't worry, you're going to get in, but first I need you to answer these questions."
He asks the first nun, "What was the name of the first woman?" The nun says, "Eve." Saint Peter says, "Go on in."
Then he asks the second nun, "Where did Adam and Eve live?" The second one says, "The Garden of Eden." Saint Peter says, "You can go through."
Finally, he gets to the third nun and says, "What was the first thing Eve said to Adam?" The nun stands there a little confused and says, "Boy, that's a hard one." Saint Peter, shocked, goes, "That's correct! Go on in."
"Just ditched a woman. Feelin' good!" -Techno
Shit, if somebody invades America, the Crips and the Bloods are gonna call a truce so that they can get the big toys out and call Geneva achievement. White women would ride into battle riding lions, tigers, and bears while claymore-strapped rhumbas swept the streets. There's a reason Putin keeps threatening to boom boom us with the boom booms and make you see x-rays before you go go.
We have freaking cannibals still. Hell, we have more guns than people. Dodging bullets has become a rite of passage. Just look at how we raise our kids on caffeine and M16s playing Call of Duty. Then we send them into the warzone known as the American public education system with no weapons. No means to protect themselves other than with their fists. Here Timmy, fight off the bullets with your bare fist and hope you can zig-zag. Hell, the quiet kids in this country start dropping bodies just cause you teased them. The fuck you think's gonna happen when Timmy can't get his damn chicken nuggets and you took his internet out?
Hell, the gangs in America would no longer make their money off the drugs illegally. They'd be our medics and taking bets on kill shots. Don't even get me started on the unhinged millennials the moment they can't get their mood stabilizers. War crimes would become an art form and we'd run around like we playing Pokemon. GOTTA CATCH 'EM ALL! Americans would turn war crimes into an extreme sport while the military stands back and records it just so they can show the rest of the world the example of why not to fuck with us. Shit, Geneva Convention would turn into a to-do list on every American household fridge. We take that shit so seriously we'd have Comedy Central sending Kevin Hart to tell us rules for engagement. Racism in America would be single-handedly by ended as Billy Bob and Tyrone high five because they think they just unlocked the super secret duck hunt level with foreign paratroopers. Shit somebody please threaten us with a good time. Invade the United States. Let us show you why the first color in our flag is red.
One day a woman met with a man behind an abandoned shop.
The man asked for some crack.
The woman turned around and said, "Here."
That's where the crack was, you guessed it.
The next day, she wiped it clean, ready for the next guest who "wanted crack."
A man and a woman get married. The woman was a retired hooker. The man was a poet.
The man said as they did 69, "You taste better than my most delicious gourmet meal." The woman said, "Well, you aren’t too bad either, but the best 69 I’ve gotten and given was Harry. He did it for 24 hours nonstop." They got divorced that night.
There was a woman from Ealing, she had a peculiar feeling. She laid on her back, opened her crack, and pissed all over the ceiling.
A guy walks into a bar, he's like, "What's your number, lad?" and the woman is like, "298-777-fatso.com" and he walked home depressed.
Q: Why do women only use their lefts?
A: Because they don't have any rights.
How do you know when a woman is going to have a black baby?
When she takes the tampon out, all the cotton is picked.
Three women—a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead—are riding through the desert on a dune buggy. About two hours later, their vehicle dies with no gas, and they're forced to travel to their destination on foot, but they all agree to carry something with them.
The brunette brings canteens of water.
The redhead takes a large beach umbrella.
The blonde somehow rips off the car door.
The redhead asks her, "Why did you take the whole car door?"
To which the blonde replied, "So I can roll down the window in case it gets too hot."
I got kicked out of Social Studies class when my teacher made us watch a women's rights documentary. When he asked us what the genre of the film was, I put my hand up and said "Fiction."
A woman can fake an orgasm for the sake of a relationship.
A man can fake a relationship for the sake of an orgasm.
My mom thinks I need to stop objectifying women. I think she is overreacting.
She asked why I broke up with the last girl, and I said,
"It didn't work out."
She told me to be more specific, so I said,
"I just told you, she didn't exercise."
"COVERBITCH, your worthless."