Stage 4 cancer is like a woman you can’t beat it but if you do she’ll probably come back again

What did the String Theorist say when his wife caught him in bed with another woman?

Wait, I can explain everything!

Last halloween i went dressed as a woman. When i rang the doorbell an elderly woman opened and i made grunting noise and knocked the bowl of candy out of her hands. She immediately called the police and told them excactly what happened. The officer pulled me aside and asked me a few questions. First he asked are your parents here and i said nothing. Concerned by my answer he then asked if i was ok so i said nothing. He asked me what my name and i responded, "Hellen Keller.

Why did the pervert sing Gucci Gang? Because a woman just gave him a lil pump

I see some objects over there… oh never mind, that’s a woman.

Man I love this joke: Women’s rights

A woman walks into a doctor’s office. She schedules an appointment and sits down it the waiting room. Whem it’s her turn to talk to the doctor, she describes all of her symptoms, and they’re unlike anything he’s heard before. The doctor runs a few tests and steps out of the room. He comes back later, and says, ‘Well I have good news and bad news.’ The woman says, ‘I’ll hear the good news first please.’ The doctor replies ‘The good news is we’re naming a disease after you!’

How do you turn a dishwasher into a snow plow?

Give her a shovel.

A woman comes to the doctor and tells her ‘doctor, my husband wants intense sex all day, what should I give him?’ The doctor says ‘my number’

What is similar about a dog and a woman? You can ask them to come

A woman visits the doctor as she has some abdominal pains and suspects she may be pregnant. After her examination, the doctor comes out to see her: “Well, I hope you like changing nappies/diapers”.

She replies: “Oh my god am I pregnant, am I pregnant!?”

To which he responds: “No, you’ve got bowel cancer.”

Vagina jokes aren’t funny.

Moist of the time.

Women are like dogs… “Where are you going? Where are you going? Where are you going?” “Can I come? Can I come? Can I come?” “I’ll wait right here… I’ll wait right here… I’ll wait right here…”

SHOES

A doctor tells a woman she can no longer touch anything alcoholic. So she gets a divorce.

So I asked a Chinese woman for her number, she said "sex, sex, sex, free sex tonight ." Her friend said “No, it’s 666-3629.”

A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced 10 husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband, “Please be gentle, I’m still a virgin.” “What?” said the puzzled groom. “How can that be if you’ve been married 10 times?” “Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative. He kept telling me how great it was going to be. Husband #2 was in software services. He was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he’d look into it and get back to me. Husband #3 was from field services. He said everything checked out diagnostically, but he just couldn’t get the system up. Husband #4 was in telemarketing. Even though he knew he had the order, he didn’t know when he would be able to deliver. Husband #5 was an engineer. He understood the basic process, but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method. Husband #6 was from finance and administration. He thought he knew how, but he wasn’t sure whether it was his job or not. Husband #7 was in marketing. Although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it. Husband #8 was a psychologist. All he ever did was talk about it. Husband #9 was a gynecologist. All he did was look at it. Husband #10 was a stamp collector. All he ever did was… God! I miss him! But now that I’ve married you, I’m really excited!” “Good,” said the new husband, “but, why?” “You’re a lawyer. This time I know I’m going to get screwed!”

What did the man say to the woman. “Make me a sandwhich”.

i like my woman like i like my coffee in a big sack on top of donkey

At the funeral of a family friend, I was chatting to June, an elderly lady I hadn’t seen since I was a teenager. I was thrilled when she told me what a beautiful young woman I’d become.

On the journey home, I remarked to my mother how lovely it had been to see June again.

“Yes, it’s such a shame that she’s gone blind,” she said sadly.

What do you call it if your mom is a guy and ur dad is a woman?

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