Mister

Mister Jokes

Wood

A guy walks with a young boy into the woods. The boy turns to him and says, "Hey mister, it's getting really dark and I'm scared."

The man replies, "How do you think I feel? I have to walk back alone!"

Guy

So, a guy is walking with a young boy into the woods.

Boy: "Hey mister, it's getting dark out and I'm scared!"

Man: "How do you think I feel? I have to walk back alone!"

Friendship

Screw sister from a mister or brother from another mother. We besties from another testie.

  • 2
  • Line

    Pick up lines.

    "One fish, two fish, three fish, I’m breaking up with you, b*tch!"

    "Hey there little mister, I’m dating your sister."

    Priest

    Johnny is walking along, and a priest is coming the other way. Johnny says, "Hey, mister, why are you wearing your collar backwards?"

    The priest says, "Because I'm a father."

    Johnny says, "Yeah? Well, my old man's got three kids, and he don't wear his collar backwards."

    The priest says, "You don't understand, son. I have thousands of children."

    Johnny says, "You should wear your fuckin' trousers backwards."

    Man

    A man and a boy are walking into a forest. It begins to get dark. The boy says "Mister, I'm scared." The man replies "How do you think I feel, I have to walk back alone."

    Child

    What do you call a genderless child?

    It's not a mister, it's not a misses, I'm more for a mystery.

    Wood

    A man and a child walk into the woods. The child turns to the man and says, "Mister, can we go home? It's getting late, and I'm scared to walk home."

    The man turns to the child and says, "How do you think I feel? I have to walk home alone!"

    Man

    A 60-year-old man is walking along a deserted road with a 12-year-old boy. It’s getting dark, and the boy says, “Hey mister, it’s getting dark and I’m scared.”

    The man replies, “You’re scared? I’ve got to walk back to town alone!”

  • 1
  • Baby

    Ugh, don't you just hate it when you're having sex and your parents walk in the room and say, "No more dead babies for your mister, we are running low!"

    Family

    Ur dad lesbian.

    Ur sister a mister.

    Ur family tree LGBT.

    Ur family reunion a homosexual communion.

  • 2
  • Sister

    Chuck: That's my sister, mister, and I'm gonna save her!

    Red: snooore, snoooore

    Silver: *straining to get outta buff eagle's grip*

    Chuck: *goes super sonic speed and breaks outfit*

    Chuck VS RED

    Both LOSE!

    Farmer

    A kindergarten teacher was telling a story...

    A kindergarten teacher was telling a story about a farmer walking around the farm talking to the animals. She was trying to get the kids to interact, speak up, and to use their imaginations.

    "Mister Farmer stopped at the cow, and the cow said 'Morning, Mister Farmer!'. Susie, what do you thing the farmer said next?"

    Susie says "He said 'Good morning Mrs. Cow!'"

    "Mister Farmer stopped at the pig next, and the pig said 'Good morning, Mister Farmer!'. Johnny, what do you thing the farmer said next?"

    Johnny says "He said 'Good morning Mr. Pig!'"

    "Mister Farmer stopped at the chicken, and the Chicken said 'Morning, Mister Farmer!'. Billy, what do you thing the farmer said next?"

    Billy says "The farmer said 'Holy shit, that chicken is fucking talking!'"

    Stereotype

    America: Saying, "I beg your pardon" in British English is like saying; "What did you say to me you orphaned big forehead shitty ass small dick bitch?"

    UK: You Americans are so fucking rude.

    America: Oh, I'm SoRrY mIsTeR fAnCy PaNts 👖

    Van

    Man: Could you hold this for me?

    Kid: Ok mister! I love playing with a pew pew! Pow! Pew! Pew! Bang! *GUNSHOT*

    Man: Dammit, now who am I gonna put in the van?!

    Candy

    Boy: "Mister, can I get candy?"

    Mister: No, you shit head.

    Boy: Why? :(

    Mister: Because I'm not your dad.