Woman jokes

If a man says you’re ugly, he likes you.

If a woman says you’re ugly, she’s just jealous.

If a child says you’re ugly, well, you’re ugly.

Did you hear about Johnny Depp's shelter for abused women? It's going as well as Michael Jackson's children's hospital!

What is the difference between a man performing anilingus on a woman and a man performing cunnilingus on a woman?

If a man is performing anilingus on a woman, it is not classified as heterosexual sodomy, you fucking idiot!!!!!

We need more women in the military! They can bleed for weeks and still not die!

Life is like a penis: women make it hard for no reason.

Your hairline goes back to when Adam and Eve were born.

Why are women like hurricanes?

They come in nasty and wet, then leave with your house and car.

One day the teacher said, "There are 3 birds on a wire, a shooter shoots one. How many are left?" The teacher calls on lil Johnny. "None," the teacher said, "no but try again." Lil Johnny says, "None, because if you shoot one the rest get scared and leave." The teacher said, "Not quite, but I like the way you think."

Lil Johnny then says, "Alright teacher, I have one for you. There are 3 women sitting on a bench, one's sucking it, the other is licking it, and the last one is biting it. Which one is married?" The teacher then says, "The one sucking it, of course!" Lil Johnny then says, "No, the one with the ring, but I like the way you think!"

A man asks a woman, "Are you a school?"

The woman replies, "No, why?"

The man says, "Oh, I wanted to shoot my kid inside of you."

What do cannibals call pregnant women? A kinder surprise.

When a woman removes polish with chemicals, no one bats an eye, but when Hitler removes the Polish with chemicals, suddenly people lose their shit?

Why did Beyonce say "to the left to the left"?

Because women don't have rights.

I like my couches like my women... Old, used, and big enough to fit 3 men.

How do you know when a woman is going to have a black baby?

When she takes the tampon out, all the cotton is picked.

I like my women like I like my coffee.

Dark, rich, and imported.

Why are women like KFC?

After you've finished with the thigh and breasts, all you have left is a greasy box to put your bone in.

I got kicked out of the school library for placing a women's rights book in the fiction section.

What's the similarity between women and car parking spaces? The good ones are always taken, and sometimes when nobody's looking, you slip in the disabled one.

Today I was asked to go out by 17 women. Well, I was in the women's bathroom. 💀

I was sitting in a bar one day and two really large women came in, talking in an interesting accent. So I said, "Cool accent, are you two ladies from Ireland?" One of them snarled at me, "It's Wales, Dumbo!" So I corrected myself, "My apologies, so are you two whales from Ireland?"