Woman jokes

What do you call a woman with one arm and one leg?

Eileen.

A blind woman told me I had a big penis yesterday.

I think she was pulling my leg.

What kind of woman does Bill Cosby like the most?

The “cold and passed out” kind.

A doctor tells a woman she can no longer touch anything alcoholic. So, she gets a divorce.

Your friend walks up to you and shows you a picture of an overweight woman.

What would you rate this woman?

A 7.

Why?

Because 7 ate 9!

At the funeral of a family friend, I was chatting to June, an elderly lady I hadn’t seen since I was a teenager. I was thrilled when she told me what a beautiful young woman I’d become.

On the journey home, I remarked to my mother how lovely it had been to see June again.

“Yes, it’s such a shame that she’s gone blind,” she said sadly.

What do you call it if your mom is a guy and your dad is a woman?

Transparent.

What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick.

I believe in a woman's right to choose...

...whether she wants to cook first and then clean or clean first and then cook.

I don’t see what the problem is.

The Supreme Court came up with a solution to the tampon shortage, yet all the liberals are pissed!

What did the man say to the woman? "Make me a sandwich."

Michael proved anything is possible in America. Where else can a poor black boy grow up to be a rich white woman?

Q: What are women better than men at doing?

A: Winning arguments.

Q: What are men better than women at doing?

A: Winning swimming titles.

We split because she would always say I never listen, or something like that.

If I grew a nanometer taller for every 2/10 woman expecting a 6’3”+ guy, I would be considered attractive.💀

Time waits for no man, time is obviously a woman.

Why do women only use their left arm? Because they don’t have rights.

What's the difference between the Twin Towers and an ugly woman?

The Twin Towers got fucked.

Flippity floppity, women are property.

I see some objects over there... oh, never mind, that's a woman.