(I want to apologize in advance. These are very dark jokes)

  1. What’s red and bad for your teeth? A brick

  2. I was going to tell a dead baby joke. But I decided to abort.

  3. Why does Dr. Pepper come in a bottle? His wife is dead.

4.Why does Helen Keller hate porcupines? They’re painful to look at.

  1. Why can’t orphans play baseball? They don’t know where home is.

  2. Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm for a few hours. Set a man on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.

  3. I asked a pretty, young homeless woman if I could take her home. She smiled at me and said yes. The look on her face soon changed, however, when I walked off with her cardboard box.

  4. My wife and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children. If anybody does, please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.

What did Julius say when he saw a woman stealing an expensive chandelier?

“Guards! Seize her (Caesar)!”

What does a girl want more than anything in the world? – Nothing. She’s fine.

A young blonde woman fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself. The hysterical blonde tells her husband: “Shut up … you’re next!”

What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?

Nothing you haven’t told her twice already.

A man once sued smart water for not making him smart. Then a woman replied “okay cool now I’m going to go sue thin mints for not making me thin.”

Why was Hellen Keller a bad driver? She was a woman.

Also I have the same Birthday as her so I have the pass.

Flippity floppity women are property

What’s the difference between a snow woman and snow man? Snowballs

What looks like peanut butter and jelly,and makes a woman scream? Afterbirth

Why can’t Helen Keller drive?

Because she’s a woman.

How is a woman and a car alike put something in them and they’ll both start.

Bippity Boppity

Women Are Property.

I saw a person raping a woman in an alleyway,i decided to help…she doesn’t stand a chance between us.

A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One goes to a family in Egypt and is named “Amal”. The other goes to a family in Spain, who name him “Juan”. Years later Juan sends a picture of himself to his mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal. Her husband responds: “They’re twins. If you’ve seen Juan, you’ve seen Amal.”

There is a young man smoking and a woman in a wheelchair. The woman says “why is a young man like you smoking?”. The man turns around and says “why the fuck are you wearing trainers…”

A woman walk into a library and asked if they had any books about paranoia. The librarian says “They’re right behind you!”

What is the difference between a Flat tire bicycle and a Woman, answer, You need to pump the tire on the bicycle before you ride on it, while a woman you need to ride on her and pump.

What’s the difference between a woman that doesn’t belong in the kitchen and Bigfoot? Bigfoot is real

When I woman removes polish with chemicals, no one bats and eye, but when hitler removes the Polish with chemicals, suddenly people loose their shit?

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