Woman jokes

What does a woman do when she leaves the battered women's shelter?

"Cook my dinner, if she knows what's good for her."

A mother and her 7 year old child are walking in the grocery store. The young boy then screams to a random woman “you're an ugly bitch.”

The mother grabs her son and says, “I’m so sorry, I must have told him a thousand of times to not judge people on how they look."

Women be like, "Porn is how we get money," then get angry when boys treat women like shit because they seen it on porn.

What does a cannibal call a pregnant woman? A combo meal.

How do you get a woman to give head? Force it down her throat and hold the back of her head. Make her gag for a little and then pull out. Do this over and over for 30 seconds or so. If she doesn't open up, choke her and force her mouth open.

Woman aren't human anyways... lol.

When a woman removes polish with chemicals, no one bats an eye.

But when Hitler removes the Polish with chemicals, everyone loses it...

Why can’t Helen Keller have kids?

Answer: She’s dead.

I like my women how I like my cigarettes: Smokin’ hot, and with a little saliva on the butt.

A man was hitting a woman with his d*ck. Someone ran up to the man and said, "That's domestic violence!" The man replied with, "No, it's not domestic violence, it's dumbass-d*ck violence!"

Hippity Hoppity, women are my property.

Bippity Boppity, get the f*ck off my property!

The other day I pushed a Chinese woman off the Golden Gate Bridge. I was Wong on so many levels.

Three women—a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead—are riding through the desert on a dune buggy. About two hours later, their vehicle dies with no gas, and they're forced to travel to their destination on foot, but they all agree to carry something with them.

The brunette brings canteens of water.

The redhead takes a large beach umbrella.

The blonde somehow rips off the car door.

The redhead asks her, "Why did you take the whole car door?"

To which the blonde replied, "So I can roll down the window in case it gets too hot."

Came across the headline this morning whilst reading the paper...

"Woman beats off Rapist in carpark!"

I suppose that was a fair compromise!

Why won't cannibals eat divorced women?

Just too bitter.

I saw a person raping a woman in an alleyway. I decided to help...she doesn't stand a chance between us.

An Ob-Gyn asks a lady to put her feet up on the stirrups.

Doctor: My God, you have the biggest vagina I’ve ever seen!

Woman: You don’t have to say that twice.

Doctor: I didn’t.

How do women hold their liquor? By the ears.

What does a burnt pizza, cold beer, and a pregnant woman have in common?

Someone didn’t pull it out in time.

My friend says, "You should try Oreos with water."

Me: No, because my dad actually came back with the milf.

Why can’t Chinese people play baseball? Because they ate the bat.

If you don’t get it, a Chinese woman ate a bat and she got the coronavirus (I think).