Woman jokes

Man: Can you be my girlfriend?

Woman: I'm lesbian, sorry.

Man: Oh, here's your rope.

If 80% of all suicides in the UK are males, and women want equality, then maybe they should just kill themselves.

What did one saggy boob say to the other?

"We better start getting some support around here, or people are gonna think we're nuts!"

What do ICE and Mexican drug cartels both have in common?

They both kidnap Canadian women!

Abortion is a difficult topic for me.

On one hand I support it because it kills children.

On the other hand, it gives women a choice.

Police Report: Looking for a female, light brown hair, blue eyes, freckles, and a small scar on her right check.

Last seen on CCTV wearing see-through bottoms, a pink top, and a vibrating dildo hanging out of her arse. If you find this woman, please get her to charge the dildo for excessive fun.

I was at a train station and a woman ran up to me and asked, "Is this train running on time?" I said, "No, it runs on steam and coal."

Who was the most successful transgender and transracial person in history?

Michael Jackson. He grew up a poor, black boy, and died a rich, white woman.

The amount of women judging me for raping a poor lady is terrible. You weren't there. You don't know!

Why are women’s feet so small?

So they can stand closer to the sink.

Why did God create yeast infections?

So women would know what it's like to live with an annoying cunt.

What did the woman say to Michael Jackson at the beach?

"Excuse me, sir, you're in my son."

A woman is in the hospital giving birth. The doctor comes up to her afterwards.

Dr: "I'm sorry, I have good news and bad news."

Woman: "What's the bad news?"

Dr: "Your baby is Ginger!"

Woman: "Ok, so what's the good news?"

Dr: "It's dead!"

Why do women like Pac-Man so much?

How else can you get eaten three times for a quarter?

Women are like grenades: you pull the ring and BOOM, the house is gone!

Got a job at the library yesterday... It lasted fifteen minutes... Turns out books about women's rights don't belong in the fiction section.

Man: "I know how to please a woman." Woman: "Then please leave me alone."

Man: "I want to give myself to you." Woman: "Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts."

Man: "Your hair color is fabulous." Woman: "Thank you. It's on aisle three at the corner drug store."

Man: "You look like a dream." Woman: "Go back to sleep."

Man: "I can tell that you want me." Woman: "Yes, I want you to leave."

Man: "Hey, baby, what's your sign?" Woman: "Do not enter. -OR- Stop."

Man: "Your body is like a temple." Woman: "Sorry, there are no services today."

Man: "Is this seat empty?" Woman: "Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down."

Man: "What's it like being the most beautiful girl in the bar?" Woman: "I hate you."

Man: "Haven't I seen you someplace before?" Woman: "Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore."

Why did the topless woman shout, "Stop raping us?"

Because she was uneducated.

Rape jokes are so incredibly offensive to stupid women like me who don’t understand what comedy is.

What’s the difference between a snowman and a snow woman?

Snow balls.