Woman jokes

Women deserve rights and lefts.

Money and women are kind of the same thing for me; it comes and goes very easily.

I had a great day today because Allison was frustrated at her calculator and started banging it on the side of the table, and the teacher screamed, "Allison, how would you like it if I banged you on the table?"

Why do so many people hate Bill Cosby? I mean, all he did was have affairs with drunk, attention-seeking women. They literally begged for it.

Gays: I like men.

Straights: I like women.

Russia: Hole is hole.

What's the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?

You can unscrew a light bulb.

Came across the headline this morning whilst reading the paper...

"Woman beats off Rapist in carpark!"

I suppose that was a fair compromise!

What do women put on their ears to look more attractive?

Their knees.

If 80% of all suicides in the UK are males, and women want equality, then maybe they should just kill themselves.

Abortion is a difficult topic for me.

On one hand I support it because it kills children.

On the other hand, it gives women a choice.

What did one saggy boob say to the other?

"We better start getting some support around here, or people are gonna think we're nuts!"

Police Report: Looking for a female, light brown hair, blue eyes, freckles, and a small scar on her right check.

Last seen on CCTV wearing see-through bottoms, a pink top, and a vibrating dildo hanging out of her arse. If you find this woman, please get her to charge the dildo for excessive fun.

I was at a train station and a woman ran up to me and asked, "Is this train running on time?" I said, "No, it runs on steam and coal."

Why are women’s feet so small?

So they can stand closer to the sink.

Why do women like Pac-Man so much?

How else can you get eaten three times for a quarter?

The amount of women judging me for raping a poor lady is terrible. You weren't there. You don't know!

I like my women like I like my traction control: disabled.

What did the woman say to Michael Jackson at the beach?

"Excuse me, sir, you're in my son."

Who was the most successful transgender and transracial person in history?

Michael Jackson. He grew up a poor, black boy, and died a rich, white woman.

Man: "I know how to please a woman." Woman: "Then please leave me alone."

Man: "I want to give myself to you." Woman: "Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts."

Man: "Your hair color is fabulous." Woman: "Thank you. It's on aisle three at the corner drug store."

Man: "You look like a dream." Woman: "Go back to sleep."

Man: "I can tell that you want me." Woman: "Yes, I want you to leave."

Man: "Hey, baby, what's your sign?" Woman: "Do not enter. -OR- Stop."

Man: "Your body is like a temple." Woman: "Sorry, there are no services today."

Man: "Is this seat empty?" Woman: "Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down."

Man: "What's it like being the most beautiful girl in the bar?" Woman: "I hate you."

Man: "Haven't I seen you someplace before?" Woman: "Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore."