Woman jokes
A man sees a woman. He falls in love with her. Little did he know she had AIDS.
I like my coffee like I like my women.
Why can't Helen Keller drive?
Because she's a woman? No, seriously, why can't she drive? Because she's dead.
Why did the woman throw her bills out the window? She wanted to send them via airmail.
My woman told me that she wants to have sex with me, and I said, "Let's go at it." She said, "Shut up and kiss me on all my pillows."
What does the word circumcise mean?
Cut off a boy's or a man's dick, or cut off a girl's or a woman's foreskin.
What's the difference between a woman and a washing machine? The washing machine doesn't follow you after you put a load in it.
A young Greek couple got married, and at their wedding...
...the mother of the bride took the bride aside for a quick chat.
"My sweet," she said, "you're now a woman. I'm so proud. Some advice for you now that you're married: Greek men are very particular, and at some point when you're making love to your new husband, he might suggest that you 'turn around,' if you know what I mean. If that sort of thing makes you uncomfortable, do not feel pressured to say yes."
The bride thanked her mother for the advice, and the wedding continued. That night, as she and her husband consummated the marriage, she was mildly surprised to learn that he never asked her to 'turn around.'
They spent a beautiful week together on their honeymoon and made love many times. But still, to her mild surprise, her husband never asked her to 'turn around.'
Their one year anniversary arrived, and they made love to celebrate the milestone. But again, to her mild surprise, the husband never asked her to 'turn around.' This continued for years: their second anniversary, third, fourth...
Finally, on their fifth anniversary, her husband started getting romantic with her in bed and said, "Honey, we've been married for five years. I was thinking we maybe try something new. I thought this time you could 'turn around,' if you know what I mean."
She replied, emphatically, "No! No, I do not do that, I am not that kind of woman!"
Without getting defensive, her husband simply said, "That's all well and good, honey. But I thought you said you wanted children?"
Men should pay for dates because women have to pay for expensive things like makeup because God didn’t finish their faces.
What’s the best part about having sex with a pregnant woman?
You can have sex and a blow job at the same time.
What’s worse than giving women rights?
Having them. In the first place.
What’s another name for a woman giving birth?
Unloading the dishwasher.
What does a woman do when she leaves the battered women's shelter?
"Cook my dinner, if she knows what's good for her."
What do autistics, women, and chinks have in common? They can't fuckin' drive.
How do you blind an Irish woman?
You put a bottle of Scotch in front of her.
What does a beaten woman do when she comes home from the hospital?
Dishes if she knows what's good for her health.
Doctor, doctor! I feel like a pair of curtains! Well, pull yourself together, then.
Doctor, doctor! My brother's crazy! He thinks he's a chicken. Is he egging around? Yes, but we need to get the eggs.
Woman: Doctor, doctor! I keep thinking I'm an elephant! Doctor: Run around the room. Then the woman stomps around the room and breaks things.
Doctor, doctor! I fell like a bell! Shall I ring you, then? When can you ring me up?
Doctor, doctor! I have a ball stuck in my throat! Shall I bat it and get a run, then?
Why are modern women trash?
Because back in the day, a woman knew her place.
Can we have sex, because if we don't, I can't like you, big, thick booty!
So let's have sex in bed, you sexy woman, or behind a tree, because shoving my dick in your pussy is a very nice feeling while sucking your ass.
What would a heterosexual woman that is a whore do for $500.00 that a gay man would be willing to do for free for a heterosexual man at a glory hole?
Suck his big cock.