Woman Jokes

A young peasant coming from the field with his scythe on his shoulder notices an attractive young woman that was doing the laundry in a mountain stream, perched on some rocks near a waterfall.

The guy stops and leans against his scythe, fascinated by the young girl's beauty.

After minutes of watching her, she loses her balance, slips on a rock and falls all the way down, crushing her head on the white rocks.

Thoughtful, he puts his scythe back on his shoulder and walks away, saying to himself "Damn, another washing machine destroyed by limestone!"

For every dollar a man makes, a woman makes 70 cents.

That’s unfair! Now the man only has 30 cents!

"Just killed a woman, feeling good."

- Tommyinnit

Women need to be in the kitchen.

Why did the topless woman shout, "Stop raping us?"

Because she was uneducated.

Dad: Johnny, Johnny?

Johnny: Yes, Papa.

Dad: Getting women?

Johnny: Yes, Papa.

Dad: Telling lies?

Johnny: No, Papa.

Dad: Well, you're 100% lying because you get NO WOMEN!

My brother when he sees a girl.

Life is a lot like a penis. It's relaxed, and just hanging there.

It's women that make it hard.

In my mother's generation, they grew up with Wonder Woman. In ours, we have to wonder if she's a woman.

What does the woman say to the cannibal at the fashion show?

"Who are you wearing?"

Your hairline is so bad that it turned Wonder Woman into Failure Man.

Why did the planes crash into the Twin Towers?

Women were flying the plane.

In death, what is the only organ in a woman's body to remain warm?

My dick.

How to trick a gay man into having sex with a woman?

Take a dump on her vagina!

Doctor: Congratulations!!!

Woman: Was it a successful delivery?

Doctor: No, it’s DiGiorno!

What do cannibals call a pregnant woman?

A Kinder Surprise.

A woman asked Stephen Hawking to dance, and he replied, "I'm not much good, I have two left feet."

"Then how about Karaoke?"

To which he replied, "I have two left throats."

A woman comes from a restaurant and ate a lot of beans.

When she gets home, her husband puts a blindfold on her and says not to take it off. The lady hears her husband leave the room and starts farting really loudly. When the husband comes back and takes off the blindfold, the lady sees 12 people with pegs on their noses singing happy birthday!

What's the difference between Stephen Hawking and his wheelchair?

At least his wheelchair can pull a woman.

If you see a woman get raped, don't bother helping. After all, they are independent and need no man.

Cheer on the rapist if you want.