Wife jokes
An elderly man was happy to finally see his wife again and was packing. He told everyone about the trip.
"I will see her in one week!"
A week later, he died.
"Guess what my wife left in the freezer?"
"Her miscarriage."
A guy walks into the house carrying a sheep and says out loud, "This is the pig I screw when you're on the rag."
His wife replies, "That's not a pig, it's a sheep."
He says, "I was talking to the sheep."
There are three people on an island. One dies, and the second guy goes to bury them. He comes back with deer meat. The first guy eats it, but the second guy refuses the meal.
When the men return to the mainland, they part ways. The first man goes to eat the deer again at a local restaurant. He takes one bite, then jumps off a bridge.
In heaven, an angel asks him why.
“Well you see,” he answered, “that man was a tribal cannibal. Delicious in my wife’s meat, though.”
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Wife: I want to deep throat your dick.
Husband: let’s do this.
Wife: April foogjhmgkjgyukgyukfygkutkutkygfku5t!
What did the man say to his wife, wanna play?
What's between a wife and a husband?
A divorce.
How did the guy greet his wife?
"Howdy, sister!"
I was once caught doing it with a 16 year old in my bedroom. Boy, was my wife mad. She yelled "HOW CAN YOU F*** OUR DAUGHTER?!". Haha, yeah, she was mad.
Anyways, that's why your mother and I are getting a divorce, Timmy.
My wife told me, "Don't buy 1 gun while on your trip," so I decided to buy 2 guns instead.
A boy asked his dad: "Why didn’t you make love with my mom, Daddy?"
Dad: "Because I’m gay."
*Son started making out with his daddy and sucking his daddy’s big peepee.*
Son: "W- Wait a minute. So how did I exist if you didn’t make love with my mom if you’re not straight?"
Dad: "Because you are not real, and I didn’t even have a wife."
The son woke up from his horrible nightmare, and he looked so scared. He did leave his bed to check out his dad, but he didn’t find his dad, until his dad entered the house, and he said to his son: "Why did you look so worried? I’m just bringing some food for breakfast."
Son: "Well, but why are your hands full of cum ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ?"
Dad: "Because I did it with you last night. Did you forget?"
Son: "But it was a nightmare..."
*Dad turns into a monster*
Dad: "I’m your nightmare!"
The son woke up, and he seemed too scared, and he found himself beside his dad torturing him after he discovered he’s gay.
The son with himself: "Wake up, b*tch, wake up, b*tch!!!!!!"
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
Why did the tall building fall?
It was September 11th.
To be brutally honest, I think his wife let him die for money, because they could just plug him back in. Surely they have an Android cable about?
Most embarrassing moment during sex, GO!
James Arnold: My grandma walked in while I was knife raping my wife.
The Tupperware people came to our house. They asked my wife, "Where's the kitchen?"
Sorry, I have only lived here for 3 months, but my jewelry is upstairs in my jewelry box located in my bedroom.
Who did Stephen Hawking love more than anyone else?
His wife, "Eye," who was also bad at running.
What’s worse than giving women rights?
Having them. In the first place.
Why did the moron throw his clock out the window?
The clocks reminded him of Richard Clock, the convict who knife-raped his wife.
My wife's dyslexic, but hey, nobody's perfect.