Wife jokes

My wife told me, "Don't buy 1 gun while on your trip," so I decided to buy 2 guns instead.

A boy asked his dad: "Why didn’t you make love with my mom, Daddy?"

Dad: "Because I’m gay."

*Son started making out with his daddy and sucking his daddy’s big peepee.*

Son: "W- Wait a minute. So how did I exist if you didn’t make love with my mom if you’re not straight?"

Dad: "Because you are not real, and I didn’t even have a wife."

The son woke up from his horrible nightmare, and he looked so scared. He did leave his bed to check out his dad, but he didn’t find his dad, until his dad entered the house, and he said to his son: "Why did you look so worried? I’m just bringing some food for breakfast."

Son: "Well, but why are your hands full of cum ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ?"

Dad: "Because I did it with you last night. Did you forget?"

Son: "But it was a nightmare..."

*Dad turns into a monster*

Dad: "I’m your nightmare!"

The son woke up, and he seemed too scared, and he found himself beside his dad torturing him after he discovered he’s gay.

The son with himself: "Wake up, b*tch, wake up, b*tch!!!!!!"

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

Why did the tall building fall?

It was September 11th.

To be brutally honest, I think his wife let him die for money, because they could just plug him back in. Surely they have an Android cable about?

Most embarrassing moment during sex, GO!

James Arnold: My grandma walked in while I was knife raping my wife.

Who did Stephen Hawking love more than anyone else?

His wife, "Eye," who was also bad at running.

The Tupperware people came to our house. They asked my wife, "Where's the kitchen?"

Sorry, I have only lived here for 3 months, but my jewelry is upstairs in my jewelry box located in my bedroom.

What’s worse than giving women rights?

Having them. In the first place.

Why did the moron throw his clock out the window?

The clocks reminded him of Richard Clock, the convict who knife-raped his wife.

My wife's dyslexic, but hey, nobody's perfect.

What's better than throwing up a stillborn?

Making your wife eat it again.

What do you say to a woman who is completely beaten up on her face, full of bruises, and has a broken jaw?

"Will you listen now?!??"

When your husband can’t afford a punching bag, he uses his wife.

My and my penis never truly understood the words "Booby traps" until we met the ex-wife. God's gift of self-will was working fine until my penis went hard and my mind went blank, and God started laughing, and I swear I heard him say, "Booby trap" as he walked away! True story.

What’s pink, nine inches, and makes my wife cry when I shove it down her throat?

Her Miscarriage.

Why didn't the wife want sex?

Because they were having too many babies.

My wife is not only gone like gonorrhea, she is also gone because of my (and now her) gonorrhea.

So, I was f**king my daughter the other night, and I don’t know what was funnier: the looks on my wife’s face when she walked in on me or the fact that the abortion clinic let me keep her.

A NASA scientist is sitting in a bar when a Martian walks in and orders a martini.

The NASA scientist quickly realizes he is dreaming and wakes up. He turns to his wife and tries to explain the dream, but she rolls over and ignores him because she is tired of listening to him.

The NASA scientist begins to sob because his marriage is in shambles. lmao.

My neighbor has been mad at his wife for sunbathing nude. I personally am on the fence.