Retaliation Jokes

They laughed at my crayon drawing.

I laughed at their chalk outline.

A man walks into a bar. He takes a seat and asks the barman if he wanted to hear a blonde joke. The barman replies, "Before you tell this joke, I want to tell you something. See the woman over there? She is a black belt in karate, she's blonde. See the bouncer over there? He is also a blonde. See the chick over there with that pool cue? She is also blonde. Also, I have a shotgun behind the bar. I'm blonde. So do you still want to tell your joke?" He replies, "F**k that. I ain't explaining the joke 4 times."

My friend called me a dick earlier. I said, "You are what you eat." He then proceeded to run away from me.

So, I had an orphan friend, and he asked me, "How's your girlfriend?" I said, "I don't have one." He said, "I know, I just wanted to remind you." Then I asked, "How are your parents?" After that, I never saw him again.

A boy walks in on his parents having sex. "What are you doing to my mother?!" the boy screams at his father, and runs out of the room.

Soon, the parents hear screams coming from the father's mother's room. They both go running. They see the little boy pumping into his grandmother like anything. "What are you doing to my mother?!" the father screams. "It's not so easy when it's your mother is it?" says the boy.

If you're ever angry, go ahead and punch an orphan. What are they gonna do, tell their parents?

My therapist said: "Time heals all wounds."

I shot her, now we wait.

This one kid never stands up for the pledge of allegiance, and I'm tired of it.

Today, I push him out of his wheelchair.

I'm not saying I hate you. I'm just saying that if I could go back in time, I'd give your mom a coat hanger.

Someone at school judged my grammar.

I judged theirs by the terms "school" and "rifle range" being mixed up the next day.

This dwarf was being mean to me, so I said, "When you get home, I hope Snow White kicks the shit out of you."

A wise man once told me: "If you poke the bear in prison, the bear will happily return the favor when it's time to shower."

What's the best comeback for a person calling you an orphan?

Kill their parents.

I got a roommate. He killed a butterfly, and I said no butter for a week. The next day, he killed a cockroach. Son of a bitch, nice try.

Somebody stole my joke.

So I stole their spinal cord.

Don't make fun of the emo kid, or he's gonna bring his friends and you gotta fight the Suicide Squad.

If somebody gives you lemons, cut them in half and do the juice in his eyes.

They laughed at my drawing, so I laughed at their chalk outline.

Some dude called me a tool.

So later I got hammered and nailed his girlfriend.

Guess he was right :/

Little William punched Little Johnny in the face. Then Little Johnny says, "If you do that again, I'm gonna turn your fucking nuts into coconut juice."