Before Marriage Boy: At last, I can hardly wait! Girl: Do you want me to leave? Boy: No, don't even think about it! Girl: Do you love me? Boy: Of course, always! Girl: Have you ever cheated on me? Boy: No, why are you asking? Girl: Will you kiss me? Boy: Every chance I get! Girl: Will you slap me? Boy: Hell nah, you crazy!! Girl: Can I trust you? Boy: Yeah girl! Girl: Oh Honeyyy😍
After Marriage Now, read that from the bottom to the top.
Why did the United Nations stop the French government from using the guillotine in public?
Because the French government was using the guillotine on newborn babies for circumcision.
Why couldn't anyone hear Helen Keller when she fell off a cliff? She was wearing mittens.
In jail, why is the white guy scarier than the black guy? Because the white guy actually did something.
Why are Americans good at Rubik's Cubes?
They're so good at separating colors.
Australian says to American: why do you have such bad gun laws?
American: Self defense.
Australian: Self defense against 50 innocent children?
Why can't Jesus walk on water anymore?
Because he has holes in his feet.
Why are orphans only able to have iPhone X's? Because it doesn't have a home button.
Why were the Twin Towers upset? They ordered Domino's but got jets.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
because they'll never make it home.
Why did Princess Diana cross the road? She wasn't wearing a seat belt.
How did they know Princess Diana had dandruff? They found her head and shoulders in the glove compartment.
Little Johnny's sister, Suzy, sees her mom in the shower and asks, "What is that between your legs?" Her mom responds, "That is my garage." The next day, Suzy sees her dad in the shower and says, "What is that between your legs?" Her dad answers, "It is a motorcycle that gets parked in mommy's garage." The next day, Suzy came to dinner with blood all over her hands. Her mom asks, "Why is there blood all over your hands, Suzy?" Suzy says, "Well... little Johnny tried to put his motorcycle in my garage, so I ripped its wheels off."
Why do Down's kids blend in in geometry?
Their foreheads are angled.
One day at school, Little Johnny and his friends were asked to do a sheet of paper which said, “Put a matching word from the word bank into the slot in the sentence that makes it make sense.” But when the teacher marked Little Johnny's papers, she asked why he put the word "bank" in every slot. And he says, “Well teacher, you said to put a word from the word bank and that's one word! So I had no choice but to put down that word!”
Why was 6 afraid of 7?
Seven’s been worried about six even since he left Afghanistan. Every time 6 closes his eyes, he sees the war and hears the gunshots. He sees the blood, the killing, the death, and soldiers falling. When he looks at seven, he remembers when they were forced to eat their own flesh to not starve in those caves. He sees the war and the flashbacks will come back forever, burned into his soul and mind.
Why can't dinosaurs clap?
Because they're dead.
Why didn't the Japanese guy get a high five?
Logan Paul left him hanging.
A nun, badly needing to use the restroom, walked into a local Hooters. The place was hopping with music and loud conversation and every once in a while "the lights would turn off."
Each time the lights would go out, the place would erupt into cheers.
However, when the revelers saw the nun, the room went dead silent.
She walked up to the bartender and asked, "May I please use the restroom?"
The bartender replied, "OK, but I should warn you that there is a statue of a naked man in there wearing only a fig leaf."
"Well, in that case, I'll just look the other way," said the nun.
So the bartender showed the nun to the back of the restaurant.
After a few minutes, she came back out, and the whole place stopped just long enough to give the nun a loud round of applause!
She went to the bartender and said, "Sir, I don't understand. Why did they applaud for me just because I went to the restroom?"
"Well, now they know you're one of us," said the bartender, "Would you like a drink?"
"No thank you, but, I still don't understand," said the puzzled nun.
"You see," laughed the bartender, "every time someone lifts the fig leaf on that statue, the lights go out."
Now, how about that drink?
Why was the clown sad?
He broke his funny bone. PS: "funny bone" is not actually a bone.
Why did Beyoncé say, "to the left, to the left"?
Because women don't have rights.
