Why jokes
Why did the silly boy take the Christmas tree to a barber?
Because his mother said it needed to be trimmed.
Why did the bee buzz off?
Because he had to bee somewhere.
Why can’t orphans play baseball?
Because they don’t know where home is.
Why did Helen Keller's dog kill itself? I would too if all I heard was "daaaaaaah!"
Why does a queen have more mobility than the king in chess?
Because the board looks like a kitchen floor.
Memes
Why was 10 traumatized?
Because it was in the middle of 9/11.
Why does Batman’s mask only cover half of his face?
So the police can see that he’s white.
A guy is bankrupt, so he gives his son a duck and tells him to go sell it for as much as he can. So the kid goes on the street to sell the duck. A prostitute walks by and says, "I'll fuck you for $10." The boy says, “I would, but I don't have any money.” She says, “Ok, I'll take the duck instead.” He says ok, so they go upstairs and fuck.
The prostitute says, “That’s the best sex I've ever had. I'll give you the duck back and we can do it again.” So they do and he gets the duck back. But when they go downstairs, the duck gets hit by a car. And the guy that hit the duck feels so bad that he gives the kid $25. So when he gets home, his father asks him why he looks so tired. The boy says, well, I got a fuck for a duck, a duck for a fuck, and $25 for a fucked up fuck.
Why was the staircase so sad?
Because everyone walks on them.
Some people ask why jokes exist. I say, when a mommy and daddy love each other very much, they have sex, and they make another one of you.
Why was Michael Jackson kicked out of boy scouts? He was up to a pack a day!
Why can't orphans play poker? Because they don't know what a full house is.
A kid is arrested for a school shooting threat. He is then apprehended and asked why he wanted to do this. He responds with, "What do you mean? I already did it." Then the police ran back to the school to apprehend the other people he was planning it with. The cops busted in through the doors, which caused a smoke trap to go off, which then the cops saw three people walk in and the police begin to fire. But as the smoke began to clear, the cops saw that the three people were 16 kids duck taped to rolling poles, 4 per pole. Back at the station, holding the kid being apprehended, the kid puts his feet up on a chair and said, "Aww, it pays to be lazy!"
Why should you stay away from trees? - Because they wanna be leafed alone.
Why was the chef embarrassed?
He saw the salad dressing.
Why do you never play a game of cards in the jungle? Because there are cheetahs!
Before Marriage Boy: At last, I can hardly wait! Girl: Do you want me to leave? Boy: No, don't even think about it! Girl: Do you love me? Boy: Of course, always! Girl: Have you ever cheated on me? Boy: No, why are you asking? Girl: Will you kiss me? Boy: Every chance I get! Girl: Will you slap me? Boy: Hell nah, you crazy!! Girl: Can I trust you? Boy: Yeah girl! Girl: Oh Honeyyy😍
After Marriage Now, read that from the bottom to the top.
Me: Now I know why Michael Jackson turned white.
The police: You finally figured it out.
Why do Down's kids blend in in geometry?
Their foreheads are angled.
Johnny is walking along, and a priest is coming the other way. Johnny says, "Hey, mister, why are you wearing your collar backwards?"
The priest says, "Because I'm a father."
Johnny says, "Yeah? Well, my old man's got three kids, and he don't wear his collar backwards."
The priest says, "You don't understand, son. I have thousands of children."
Johnny says, "You should wear your fuckin' trousers backwards."