Why did Amy Winehouse snort Splenda? She thought it was Diet Coke
Girl: "Hey, why don't you come over?"
Guy: "I can't. Cops are looking for me, they say I killed 2 people."
Girl: "C'mon, my parents aren't home."
Guy: "About that..."
Why are orphans so bad at dodgeball? Because no one misses them.
Why can't orphans learn about Ancient Egypt? Because they won't know what a mummy is.
Why do orphans love boomerangs? Because they actually come back.
Why do orphans play GTA? So they can be wanted.
My friend Jimmy said his dad is exactly like Santa. I asked, "Why is it because he gives people presents?" Jimmy told me, "No, it's because I hear so many good things about him but and how he's gonna come home, but never see him."
Why are priests called father? because its too suspicious to call them daddy.
I was digging in our garden when I found a chest full of gold coins. I was about to run straight home to tell my wife about it, but then I remembered why I was digging in our garden.
Why are orphans bad at poker?
They don't know what a full house is.
Why is the USA bad at Clash Royale? 'Cause they already lost two towers.
Head of Company: We need to stop testing our products on animals. Consultant: Why? The shampoo companies do it. Head of Company: Yeah, but we make dildos.
A wife asked her husband why he cheated on her. His reply was “she was just lying there naked on the table, what was I supposed to do?” The wife reply’s “perform the fucking autopsy!”
Why can't the USA and England play chess?"
USA has no towers and England has no queen.
Why can't orphans work at S.C Johnson? Cause it's a family company.
Why does Donald Trump have a fervent crush on the Russian president?
He is Putin his Dick where it don't belong!
Why was the orphan's first phone an iPhone X? Because it didn't have a home button.
Why did Susie fall off the swing? Because she didn't have any arms.
Knock knock Who's there? Not Susie.
Why do orphans go to church? Because they can finally call someone "father."
Why can orphans travel around so much? They never get homesick.
