When jokes

What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?

"Where's my tractor?!"

Yo mama so old when she farts, dust comes out.

When a cookie 🍪 wins a race, what will the crowd say?

“Chip Chip Hooray!”

Don’t criticize someone until you’ve walked a mile in their shoes.

So, when you criticize them, they won’t be able to hear you from that far away. Plus, you’ll have their shoes.

What does the handicapped man say to the cops when he’s mistaken for a criminal: "Don't shoot, I'm unarmed!"

When is a right time to dance on a body? If it is under the floorboards.

What happens when you are playing Undertale, but it's snowy in town? It SNOWED in town!

What do you get when I get mixed with coffee?

De-presso.

Did you know that people say Michael Jackson only became a pedophile when he was white?

Lucky for him, if he was black he would have been found guilty.

When I’m bored, I text a random number, “I hid the body... now what?”

"When is the best time to commit suicide?"

Ate a Glock in the morning.

Why don’t old people have sex?

When was the last time you tried pulling apart a grilled cheese that old?

Yo mama is so fat, when she nocliped into the backrooms, she was in level 0 and level 999 at the same time.

When and where was the biggest BBQ ever?

Hiroshima, Japan 1946.

It did not rain very often when Chuck Norris was a kid.

Why?

Because his favorite childhood song was "Rain Rain Go Away."

What are the basic ingredients when a cannibal makes a sandwich?

2 slices of Brad.

It is reported that when Churchill met Stalin at Yalta, they discussed their hobbies.

Churchill said: "I collect the jokes people tell me about me."

"That's a coincidence," said Stalin, "I collect the people who tell jokes about me."

A deaf couple wants to know when to have sex.

The wife says, "If you want to have sex, squeeze my tits once. If you don't want to have sex, squeeze my tits twice."

The husband says, "OK, if you want to have sex, pull my dick once. If you don't want to have sex, pull my dick 437 times."

I’m a cashier at a grocery store, and when I’m bored, I draw on my hands with a pen. Well, this guy walks up to me and says, “You know, I got mental illnesses from drawing on myself.”

And so, without thinking, I said, “Well, I’ve already got those, so I think I’m fine...” 😳 He looked concerned. Oops lol.

What do you call it when a chameleon won't change colors?

A reptile dysfunction.