When jokes
Alabama gene pools are so shallow, when they freeze over, it's just snow.
Yo mama so ugly, when she went to unlock her phone with her face, it said, "disconnected."
when you see a depressed kid, you walk up and say "wassup my lil barcode"
Why don't orphans go to the shops? Because when their mum leaves, she's never coming back.
What do we want? Racecar noises!
When do we want them? NEOWWWWW!
Why is it spicy?
Why make a joke when I wake up and look at myself?
What did the two crewmates say when they were hanging on a rope? Polus up!
What happens when you are playing Undertale, but it's snowy in town? It SNOWED in town!
When is a right time to dance on a body? If it is under the floorboards.
Don’t criticize someone until you’ve walked a mile in their shoes.
So, when you criticize them, they won’t be able to hear you from that far away. Plus, you’ll have their shoes.
I got so drunk with the guys yesterday that when the Uber driver asked how many drinks I had, I said, "Yes."
What does the handicapped man say to the cops when he’s mistaken for a criminal: "Don't shoot, I'm unarmed!"
What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?
"Where's my tractor?!"
When his dick is really, really small, but you pretend it is so big it hurts so you don’t make him feel bad 'cause he is a nice guy.
It is reported that when Churchill met Stalin at Yalta, they discussed their hobbies.
Churchill said: "I collect the jokes people tell me about me."
"That's a coincidence," said Stalin, "I collect the people who tell jokes about me."
When I’m bored, I text a random number, “I hid the body... now what?”
Did you know that people say Michael Jackson only became a pedophile when he was white?
Lucky for him, if he was black he would have been found guilty.
What did Snow White say when she sat on Pinocchio? "Lie to me."
A deaf couple wants to know when to have sex.
The wife says, "If you want to have sex, squeeze my tits once. If you don't want to have sex, squeeze my tits twice."
The husband says, "OK, if you want to have sex, pull my dick once. If you don't want to have sex, pull my dick 437 times."
There are two siblings, a little brother and a big brother. Now, the big brother had a girlfriend, and one night they decided to go and have sex. So, the bigger brother goes to pick up his girlfriend one night and take her home. So they get to the bigger brother's house and walk into his room. Now the two siblings shared the room, and they had bunk beds. When they walked in the room, they saw the little brother asleep in the bottom bunk, so they went up to the top bunk to have sex. The big brother says, "Whenever you feel good, say 'lettuce,' and whenever you want to switch positions say 'tomato'." The girl constantly is saying "lettuce, tomato," and then the little brother wakes up. He quietly remarks, "Can you guys stop making sandwiches? You're getting mayonnaise all over me."