When jokes

The worst thing about an owl is how they can maintain eye contact when you put them in a microwave.

It's only okay to beat up a dwarf when they walk up to your wife and say, "Your hair smells nice."

Yo mama is so ugly, when there was a tornado, the tornado refused to suck her up.

Q: Where did Sally go when the bomb went off?

A: Everywhere.

I was walking down the street when I saw this dude just vibing. He was telling every guy that walked by if his dick was bigger than theirs, they have to give him 50 bucks.

Long story short, I walked away with 100 bucks that day.

I'm treated like God when I'm home, I'm usually ignored until someone wants something.

My young son saw Trump on TV. He asked, "Why is the man on TV painted orange?" I replied, "Son, when Russia pays that much for equipment, they don't want it to rust."

One day, two Chinese people with broken English go to America. When they arrive, they go to a small place to eat. When they look at the menu, they see "hot dog," but since their English is bad, they think it's literally a roasted dog and order it. When it comes back, they're both surprised, and one of them asks,

"What part of the dog did you get?"

What does a cop say when you shoot a ginger?

I guess orange is the new black.

When you know that everyone thinks you're a hoe.

WHEN Y'ALL ARE MY HOES!

Yo mama's so stupid, when they said, "Order in the court," she asked for burgers and fries.

What happens when a furry takes over Nazi Germany?

The Furred Reich.

Jack and Jill went up the hill to have a thrill with pills. Jack came down, fuck a clown, and the cum made them frown.

When is a rapist safe around children?

When his plans are oven ready.

You're so ugly, when your mom dropped you off at school, she got a fine for littering.

What did the Nazi say when a doll hit his daughter?

A-doll Hitler!

Why can't orphans go big? When you go big, it's considered family size.

Don't you just hate when you have to eat cereal with water because your dad won't bring the fucking milk? Cause same.

What does the Gay Garlic do when it gets hot? It takes it's CLOVES off. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Like if you LOL every time 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

So I was digging in the garden and I found some treasure. I was gonna tell my wife when I remembered why I was digging in the garden.