When jokes

Why do dwarfs laugh when they run?

Because the grass tickles their balls.

When you commit suicide in your house, that's suicide, but when you commit suicide outside, you failed your parkour.

you look like a dumb crab. When everyone sees you, the world will end.

When you cream pie a tardy hottie, it’s called a loaded potato. 🥴🦴💨🥔

Q: What's the difference between a fetus and an onion?

A: One makes you cry when you chop it into pieces.

So I was digging in the garden and I found some treasure. I was gonna tell my wife when I remembered why I was digging in the garden.

Don't you just hate when you have to eat cereal with water because your dad won't bring the fucking milk? Cause same.

Why can't orphans go big? When you go big, it's considered family size.

What does the Gay Garlic do when it gets hot? It takes it's CLOVES off. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Like if you LOL every time 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

What did Papyrus say when Sans served spaghetti to Frisk?

BONE-Appetit!

What did the ocean say when it saw the beach?

Nothing, it just waved.

When I was a child, I was made to walk the plank... We couldn't afford a dog.

When God created women, it was an accident. He meant to make a man, but then "WHOA-MAN!!"

When you're driving past a graveyard say: "Wow, people were just dying to get in there."

Yo mama's so stupid, when they said, "Order in the court," she asked for burgers and fries.

What do you call it when an Arab girl has an abortion?

Removing a bomb.

What does a cop say when you shoot a ginger?

I guess orange is the new black.

What do volcanoes and suicide bombers have in common?

They both erupt when triggered.

A 28 year old woman, Olga, in Meshchovsk, Russia took justice into her own hands when a 32 year old male robber, Viktor, decided to rob her salon. She tied him, feeding him only Viagra, having sex with him over and over. After a few days, she released him after he stated he learned his lesson and wouldn't go to the police. He lied and went to the police anyways. Both were arrested.

After his sentence was over, Viktor sat down to speak to the local news. The reporter asked Viktor, "How was this whole ordeal?" Viktor replied, "I've had better."

I was on a bus when this girl offered to blow me for $5.

...and never being a person to pass up a good deal, I gave her $5 and watched her do her thing. After she was finished she lit up a cigarette and started smoking right there on the bus.

I was disgusted. I thought to myself, "What is this world coming to? Who sells cigarettes to a 12 year old?"