When jokes

What are the basic ingredients when a cannibal makes a sandwich?

2 slices of Brad.

"When is the best time to commit suicide?"

Ate a Glock in the morning.

How to catch Bigfoot: 1. Dig a large pit. 2. Build a fire in the pit and let it burn all the way to ashes. 3. Place small green peas all around the rim of the pit. 4. Hide in the bushes and wait. When Bigfoot goes to take a pea, kick him in the ash hole.

What do you get when you cross a Jewish person?

Christianity.

My daughter has been writing letters asking Satan for gifts. Imagine my shock when I realized she has dyslexia.

You know how bad of a person you are when you figure out how long you wait to smash. For me and my girlfriend, it was between the first plane crash and the last tower falling.

Yo mama so ugly, when I put her next to a naked mole rat, it said "bluetooth connected."

Roses or daisies? Now I know what flowers to put on your casket when I murder that pussy.

The other day I went to a museum. My friend and I went to the Holocaust section, and he got choked up when he saw the Anne Frank picture. I asked him, "Why are you sad? It's just an ashtray."

What do you do when a woman is choking?

Back up a couple inches.

Even people who are good for nothing have the capacity to bring a smile to your face, like when I push my autistic brother down the stairs.

What happens when you cross a rhetorical question with a joke?

Asians love it when a British person says "Rice!"

Yo mama so ugly, when she was born, the doctor tried to put her back in.

Yo mama is so fat, when she nocliped into the backrooms, she was in level 0 and level 999 at the same time.

How do you know you've found a priest? When little Timmy is glued to his crotch.

Asians love it when a British person says "Race!"

I hate it when a couple has a minor quarrel, and the girlfriend updates her Facebook status to ‘single.’

I mean, I fight with my parents all the time, but I never update my status to ‘orphan.’

What did the planes say when they were smashing or passing the Twin Towers?

Smash.

(Get it?) 9/11.

Yo mama is so fat that when she fell, I didn't laugh, but the sidewalk cracked up.