When jokes
For some reason, when my mom eats hot dogs, she likes to lick and suck on it first. As a son, can anyone tell me why?
How did Santa feel when he got stuck in the chimney?
Claus-trophobic.
Why make a joke when I wake up and look at myself?
What did the two crewmates say when they were hanging on a rope? Polus up!
Yo mama so old when she farts, dust comes out.
Fnaf (when C.C got his head bit and survived) him at age 20
Alabama gene pools are so shallow, when they freeze over, it's just snow.
Yo mama so ugly, when she went to unlock her phone with her face, it said, "disconnected."
A little girl was sitting with some other kids. She thought to herself, "I want to have kids when I'm older, at least they’ll have a home, parents, and hopefully a dad that actually came back with the milk!" 🤣😂
What do we want? Racecar noises!
When do we want them? NEOWWWWW!
when you see a depressed kid, you walk up and say "wassup my lil barcode"
Why don't orphans go to the shops? Because when their mum leaves, she's never coming back.
When is a right time to dance on a body? If it is under the floorboards.
What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?
"Where's my tractor?!"
How do you know Johnny Depp finished his meal?
When you see fifty empty bottles of wine on his front doorstep.
Don’t criticize someone until you’ve walked a mile in their shoes.
So, when you criticize them, they won’t be able to hear you from that far away. Plus, you’ll have their shoes.
I got so drunk with the guys yesterday that when the Uber driver asked how many drinks I had, I said, "Yes."
What does the handicapped man say to the cops when he’s mistaken for a criminal: "Don't shoot, I'm unarmed!"
It is reported that when Churchill met Stalin at Yalta, they discussed their hobbies.
Churchill said: "I collect the jokes people tell me about me."
"That's a coincidence," said Stalin, "I collect the people who tell jokes about me."
When his dick is really, really small, but you pretend it is so big it hurts so you don’t make him feel bad 'cause he is a nice guy.
It did not rain very often when Chuck Norris was a kid.
Why?
Because his favorite childhood song was "Rain Rain Go Away."