When jokes

A kid gets home from school and finds his mom and dad having sex. The kid asks, "What are you doing, Dad?" The dad replies, "Having sex with your mom, son," and he starts laughing.

The next day, Dad gets home from work and finds his son having sex with his nan. The dad shouts, "What the hell are you doing, son?" The kid replies, "It's not funny when it's your mom, is it?"

What do you call it when Hitler puts retards in the oven? Baked potatoes.

When the teacher calls on you and asks you how many people did Hitler kill?

"One, he killed himself."

When the school shooter throws a smoke bomb into the classroom, and the autistic kid thinks it's a dance party.

What shoes do pedophiles wear? White vans.

How do pedophiles fit in? They force it to go in.

How do you make a 16 mm hole into a 40 mm hole? A pedophile comes in.

What did Santa say when he was passing over some hookers? "Ho ho ho!"

Today, I operated on a little girl. She needed O-negative blood. We didn’t have any, but her twin sister has O-negative blood. I explained to her that it was a matter of life and death. She sat quietly for a moment, and then said goodbye to her parents. I didn’t think anything of it until after we took her blood and she asked, “So when will I die?” She thought she was going to give her life for her sister. Thankfully they both died.

Someone: When you suffer from depression and someone tells you to cheer up.

Me: My, what a great idea! Why didn't I think of that? ;)

Why does Donald Trump love little boys? Because his hands look massive when he’s holding their tiny little prepubescent cocks.

I was on the Oregon trail with my friend's brother, Carl. He got cholera, so we threw him off the wagon. When we came back, he was having a seizure and pooping uncontrollably. It was pretty cholerious.

Yo mama is so ugly, when she took a bath, the water jumped out.

I got introduced to a dwarf at a nudist colony the other day.

When we shook, the pleasure was all mine.

When your girlfriend has an abortion, it's kinda like dodging your own bullets.

Q) What do you call Iron Man when he can't swim?

A) Robert Drowney Jr.

What do you do when you finish a magazine at the hospital?

Reload and keep shooting.

What did the Asian parents say when they had a disabled kid?

Sum ting wong.

Americans when they think they have the best offensive British jokes: "we threw your tea in the ocean." 💀

British people making offensive jokes about America: "our towers didn’t explode."😎

What do babies and grenades have in common? They both make noise when you throw them.

People complain we are overpopulated.

Well, then if we committed suicide, then why do they be sad? It's one less person to think about. Why complain about it when in the end we become sad people?

When do astronauts eat?

At launch time!

A man walks into a rooftop bar and takes a seat next to another guy. “What are you drinking?” he asks the guy.

“Super Power Beer,” he says.

“Oh, yeah? I doubt it?”

Then he shows him: He swigs some beer, dives off the roof, and lands with no damage whatsoever. He walks back into the bar.

“Amazing!” the man says. “Let me have some!” The man grabs the beer. He drinks it, jumps off the roof — and falls 15 stories to the ground.

Splat.

The barman says. “You know, you’re a real idiot when you’re drunk, Superman.”