When jokes
Today, my family visited Disneyland. When we got to the hall of fame, I was shocked to find a statue of the BielefeldMan.
The tour guide said, "That’s Lewandisney. He owns the biggest collection of Disney TAP-INS and is a Mickey Mouse clubhouse member." Well done Lewandisney!
What happens when a strawberry gets run over crossing the street? Traffic jam.
What does the receptionist at a sperm bank say when you leave?
"Thanks for coming. Hope you come again soon."
That feeling when elbow surgery was yesterday.
It’s nice hitting it from the back when my wife has wide hips.
Her butt cheeks look like big huge ball sacks as my thighs smack up against them when I’m thrusting. I like to finish off by grinding my weiner up and down her back like a gay man frotting his schlong on his partner’s ding dong.
I have 206 bones. When I look at you, I have 207.
What do you get when you cross a turkey and a centipede?
Drumsticks for everyone!
A woman was sitting alone at a bar, and a man approached her. He asked her why she looked so sad. She responded that her boyfriend had just broken up with her because she was too kinky.
The man expressed his amazement when he admitted that his girlfriend had dumped him because of his fetishes. After a few drinks, they decided to go back to her place.
When they arrived, she told him to make himself comfortable while she freshened up. The man complied. After a long time, she burst open her bedroom door and said, "I hope you're ready!"
She stood in the doorway wearing a latex body suit and a gas mask. She had a whip in one hand, a flogger in the other hand, and a 12-inch strap-on dangling between her thighs.
The dude looked at her and said, "Thanks, but I'm good for the night!"
She said, "I thought you said that you were kinky."
The dude replied, "While you were in there, I f-cked your cat, pissed in your plants, and came on your curtains. It's been fun!"
Time heals all wounds. Unless you have AIDS, when time kills you slowly and painfully.
What makes a skeleton laugh?
When you tickle his funny bone with a skele-TON of jokes!
Heh.
What's the hardest part about eating a vegetable?
Putting her back in the wheelchair when you're done.
Yo mama is so fat that when she fell over, she created the Grand Canyon.
The top worst thing for an orphan, and probably the most awkward one, is when they're having sex and the other person is calling them "mommy" or "daddy."
How do you know when you're near Wacko Jacko's grave? When 'Thriller' is out and about.
What do you get when you cross a vegan and a burger fry-cook?
A shitty plant-based patty.
Your momma's so fat, when I went to suck her tit, I got a mouthful of knee.
What is the difference between Jesus and the devil?
When the devil came to Earth, he was the one with the nail gun.
What did the fish say when he hit the wall?
Dam!
Yo mama is so fat, she couldn't even fit through the rabbit hole at first because she ate like a damn pig last night when we had dinner.
What did the lion say to the lion tamer? Nothing, because when the lion tamer whipped the lion, the lion killed him.