When jokes
What do you do when you finish a magazine at school? Put another one in and continue!
What do you call it when a drunk cowgirl falls off her stool at the bar?
A hoedown.
When the US Army found Chinese soldiers selling secrets to China, they said, "Looks like we have some chinks in our armor."
What's the same with shoes and slaves?
When they get loose, you tie them up.
When the orphan got a job as a priest, what was his name?
Father Les.
Your mum is so old that when I told her to act her age, she died.
Yo mama's so dumb, when a robber stole her TV, she said, "You forgot the remote!"
Yo mama so fat, when I swerved to miss her, I ran out of gas.
Kelly Clarkson may be able to shed her weight [through pills], but she will never be able to shed the fact that she admitted herself that she molested her children when they were toddlers.
Theory is when you know everything but nothing works.
Practice is when everything works but no one knows why.
In our lab, theory and practice are combined: Nothing works and no one knows why.
When my son was little, he loved to draw. Although he would always rip up the paper whenever there was one little slip up. Too bad he became a tattoo artist.....
Girls are like volcanoes.
You never know when they will erupt.
Why is prostitution illegal?
Because when it comes to screwing people and taking their money, the government doesn't want anyone outperforming them.
Michael Jackson died of shock when he found out Boys II Men wasn't a delivery service.
Why do old people swallow popcorn kernels?
To make their cremation more entertaining when they die.
You have a six-minute timer to live, but when you breathe, it resets.
When two wheelchairs hit each other, is it a fender bender?
What's the difference between an onion and a hooker?
I cry when I chop up onions.
When Chuck Norris breaks a mirror, the mirror gets seven years of bad luck.
A guy is sitting at a bar when a drunk man walks up to him, calling his mom a whore. The guy just ignores it and stays in his spot drinking his beer. An hour goes by and the drunk man comes back saying, "Your mom is a whore!" The guy sitting looks around the bar, sees people staring and says, "Don't worry, everything is cool here," and shrugs it off. After a few more shots, the drunk man walks up a third time and says, "Your mom... is such... a whore!" The guy finally gets mad, throws his fist on the table and says, "You know what? Go home Dad!"