When jokes
Don’t you hate it when your teacher(s) say, “just focus, it’s that easy?”
And then you die inside.
When you say, "I'm high!"
But then you fall off.
Yo mama so ugly... when she went to the haunted house... she came out... WITH A JOB APPLICATION!
When you ask your friend, "Can I hear a joke?"
"Sure."
"What do orphans and orange peels have the same?"
"What?"
"They both get thrown out."
You are so poor, when I pass you, you ask for spare change, and I was poor, too.
What do you say when an emo cuts themself?
"Like your cut, G."
The poacher agrees but says that his assistant is ill and will need the man to come with him in his assistant's place. The man agrees, and so the poacher goes out to the jungle with the man.
The poacher brings a pair of handcuffs, a long stick, a shotgun, and a dog. They search through the jungle for about an hour and then spot a male gorilla above in the treetops.
The man asks the poacher what the plan is. The poacher replies, "I'm going to climb the tree and, when I get close enough, I'm going to start poking the gorilla with the stick until it falls out of the tree.
The dog is a specially trained dog. When the gorilla falls out of the tree, the dog will try to bite off the gorilla's balls. When the gorilla moves its hands to protect its balls, you put the handcuffs on it."
This all seems to make sense to the man, but he has one question. "What is the shotgun for?" he asks the poacher. The poacher responds: "If I fall out of the tree before the gorilla, shoot the dog."
Why are hindustan bhai so good at Python?
When they are hungry, they use Python and take credit card information ;). You know what they say, you give a man a curry and he eats for a day, you give a man a language and he eats for a lifetime.
Someone said to me when it was winter it[’]s time for you to “chill out.” I was like 👁👄👁
Yo mama is so short, Minions look down at her.
Yo mama is so fat that she volunteered for the Hunger Games 'cause she thought it was an eating competition.
Yo mama is so ugly when Santa Claus saw her, he yelled "Ho Ho Holy Sh*t!"
Yo mama is so old, when she walked into an antique store, they didn't let her leave.
Yo mama is so stupid, she sold her car for gas money.
Why do orphans always go to white vans when someone asks?
Because they want to feel wanted.
What do you get when you put an ape's brain in a gorilla? A feminist!
Me: Hi Jacob!
Jacob: Hi.
Me: Your parents went to jail for littering when you were born!
Jacob: GOO GOO GAH GAH
My family is lucky I was born so smart. Every time my Dad is struggling at work, he always turns to me when he needs to get ahead.
My lesbian neighbors gave me a Rolex. Guess they misunderstood when I said I wanted to watch.
Yo mama so short that when she tried to sniff meth, she couldn’t get high.
Paddy and Murphy are walking down the street when all of a sudden, Paddy falls down a manhole. Murphy shouts down, "Paddy, is it dark down there?"
Paddy shouts up, "Dunno Murphy, I crnt see a fecking thing!"
When you look exactly like your dead cousin and everybody thinks she faked her death.
FUCKING MENT
A girl was going through some really bad health issues at her house. It got so bad that she had to be rushed to the hospital.
Her husband found out about this after work and went to check on her. When he got there, the desk lady immediately pointed down the hall to a doctor. The guy walked up to the doctor, "Are you the one taking care of my wife?" The doctor glanced away from his papers, "Yes, that would be me, but I am afraid that she is in very bad condition. I have bad news and good news. The bad news is that she will have to be wheeled around in a wheelchair. Also, she can't eat normally. Taking care of her will become very hard. Basically, it will be like taking care of a big baby." Shocked, the guy says, "Wait, if that's the bad news, than what is the good news?" The doctor goes, "I'm just kidding with you, she died!"
Charizarding.
When you light a girl's pubes on fire, put it out with your jizz, then flap your arms and say, "You don't have enough badges to train me!"