When jokes

I just figured out the "X" in Max stands for the button on Tinder every girl wants to press when they see him.

When you look exactly like your dead cousin and everybody thinks she faked her death.

FUCKING MENT

You're so fat you can't see your penis when you piss.

Me and my twin when we share a pizza: there can be only one!

Penalties. Tap ins. Ghosting. Diving.

Long ago, the four lived together in harmony. Then, everything changed when the Germans attacked. Only Penaldo, master of all four elements, could stop them, but when his country needed him most, he vanished.

My son and I went on a tour to the Old Trafford Stadium. We were admiring the 76,000 seat arena when he suddenly pointed at the pitch.

“Dad, who is that man camping there?” I said, “Son, that is Bruno Penandes. He lives in that Penalty box. He only performs in small games.”

Bestie Hannah heard that bestie Iz had a migraine! What did she do? She said, "My grains don’t hurt that much, at least not when the animals eat them!"

I woke up when I heard a strange noise coming from my kitchen.

I turned on the light, and I saw none other than the exposed flop GHOSTNALDO. He asked me if I had PenalTEA, his favorite drink. I said no and yelled, "There is a big game tomorrow!" and he disappeared.

How do you tell if a chick is too fat to fuck? When you pull her pants, her ass.

You're snorting cocaine with your buddies. Your eyes are closed, feeling the bliss of drugs, when suddenly something wet touches your nostril. Your buddy Mark stuck his PENIS in your face. You look up at Mark, and he says, "I'm sorry," and runs away, his pants still down.

A turtle was walking down the street when suddenly a snail came and robbed him. When the police came, they asked what happened. The turtle responded, "I don't know, it all happened so fast!"

When the driver ran out of fuel, what kind of gasoline did he use? Grassoline.

What happens when someone shoots the Hulk?

He got gangryeen.

Gangrene+green+angry

What does a wife and a boombox have in common?

They only work when you beat them.

When a person went to a restaurant, they died once they were in. Three people were a suspect. Two were suspected because she served the food. Turns out, it was the food!

What did the orphan's mom say to him when he got into trouble?

Nothing, because he doesn't know his parents...

When a hedgehog finds poop, they put it in their mouths. They mix it with saliva until it's a foam, then rub it on themselves.

Me: *writes Kahoot about me then finishes.*

Me and friend: *plays Kahoot.*

A question: When is (my name) happy?

Friend: *puts a good answer and gets wrong.*

Answer: Never, only a portion.

Friend: Do you need help?

Your mama is so fat, when she stepped on a scale, it said "Damn!"

A blonde went to an HIV test. When she came back, she said, “The doctors say that I’m all positive!”