When jokes

I don't shut up, I grow up, and when I see you, I throw up.

When the emo kid went to high five the tree, the tree left him hanging.

FUCK EMO KIDS!

I just figured out the "X" in Max stands for the button on Tinder every girl wants to press when they see him.

What's a baby orphan's favorite joke?

"When am I gonna see my parents?"

Lmao.

Yo mama so fat when she stepped on a monster truck she turned it into a lowrider.

Bestie Hannah heard that bestie Iz had a migraine! What did she do? She said, "My grains don’t hurt that much, at least not when the animals eat them!"

What do you call it when an orphan takes a photo?

A family photo.

I woke up when I heard a strange noise coming from my kitchen.

I turned on the light, and I saw none other than the exposed flop GHOSTNALDO. He asked me if I had PenalTEA, his favorite drink. I said no and yelled, "There is a big game tomorrow!" and he disappeared.

How do you tell if a chick is too fat to fuck? When you pull her pants, her ass.

You're so fat you can't see your penis when you piss.

Me and my twin when we share a pizza: there can be only one!

Penalties. Tap ins. Ghosting. Diving.

Long ago, the four lived together in harmony. Then, everything changed when the Germans attacked. Only Penaldo, master of all four elements, could stop them, but when his country needed him most, he vanished.

My son and I went on a tour to the Old Trafford Stadium. We were admiring the 76,000 seat arena when he suddenly pointed at the pitch.

“Dad, who is that man camping there?” I said, “Son, that is Bruno Penandes. He lives in that Penalty box. He only performs in small games.”

When the driver ran out of fuel, what kind of gasoline did he use? Grassoline.

A turtle was walking down the street when suddenly a snail came and robbed him. When the police came, they asked what happened. The turtle responded, "I don't know, it all happened so fast!"

You're snorting cocaine with your buddies. Your eyes are closed, feeling the bliss of drugs, when suddenly something wet touches your nostril. Your buddy Mark stuck his PENIS in your face. You look up at Mark, and he says, "I'm sorry," and runs away, his pants still down.

What happens when someone shoots the Hulk?

He got gangryeen.

Gangrene+green+angry

What does a wife and a boombox have in common?

They only work when you beat them.

I made a bet with my friend that I couldn’t create a working car with spaghetti.

You should have seen her face when I drove pasta! 😂

What did the beaver say when it hit the wall?

Dam!