When jokes
What's the difference between a blonde and a mosquito?
When you slap the mosquito, it stops sucking.
What do you get when you cross a cat and a dinosaur? A cat-astrophe!
What's the first thing that a battered woman does when she gets out of the shelter?
My last if she knows what's good for her.
The Titanic was in a pickle when they saw the iceberg.
When a lady gets married, what does she borrow?
She borrows her husband's last name.
What happens when you search nudes on my phone?
Nothing, I don't have any.
What time is it when dogs are an appointment? Time to scream!
What do you get when you cross a pig with a dinosaur?
Jurassic Park.
Wanna know something funny? Well, there was this one time when my parents were talking about their marriage.
Then after the wedding, they decided to make a joke, and then 9 months later, I was born. My birthday (4/1/06) April 1, 2006.
What did Cinderella do when she got to the ball? She gagged!
Why were the Indians telling the others to chop off their noses when they got close to 12 inches?
Because then it would be a foot. LOL! I may have peed myself.
What’s the difference between a computer and Paul Walker? I give a crap when my computer crashes.
What do you get when the queen farts a noble gas?
What do you get when a dino farts? A blast from the past.
Why are ninja farts so dangerous? They are silent but deadly.
What is a box called when a cough dies in it?
A coffin.
How are rape and airplanes similar?
The ride gets more annoying when the kid starts screaming.
Me: September is here!
[Labor Day comes]
Also me (ft. Green Day): “Wake me up when September ends!”
What do you get when you cross a rapper with an accountant?
Jay-Z and B.
What do you call it when a rapper has a cold?
A sniff beat.
What does a ginger do when they want to high five a friend? They clap.
It's illegal to go onto someone's property, demand money that they might not have while wearing all black, and threaten horrible things if they don't pay.
But when the IRS does it, it's perfectly fine. HMMMMM . . .