When jokes
You're so short, I bet your parents left you at home most times when they went to the pool because they're scared you'll drown in the kiddie pool.
What's the difference between babies and onions? I cry when I cut onions.
My face when “Free Palestine” wasn’t a sales deal.
What's the difference between a baby and a watermelon?
One screams when you put it in a blender, and the other one is a cooperative little fruit.
When they said sin was ugly to look at, I didn't know God would use you as an example.
so real
When your friend asks why you don't smile, then you look at them and realize no one is there because you have no friends. #my life
I can't stand up when I laugh hard; neither can they.
What does an Asian say when his car tires burst on the highway?
"Some Ting Wheely Wong!"
What do you get when you cross a shark and a computer? Computer bytes!
When there's no piñata at the party, but the emo kid just hung himself.
Hey Siri, what’s in my bank account?
You stupid shit, piece of elephant crap, you’re so ugly that when you were born, your nickname was bastard! You’re so ugly, that your crush fainted in front of you and was proclaimed dead! You’re so ugly that-
(Destroys phone cutely)
Your mama is so fat, when scientists discovered her, they thought it was a new galaxy.
Orphans are so unwanted that when One Direction saw one, it went the other direction.
What did Jeffrey Dahmer do when done with his black dates?
He dumped them.
What does the handicapped man say to the cops when he’s mistaken for a criminal: "Don't shoot, I'm unarmed!"
Q: What's the difference between a suicide vest and a feminist?
A: At least one does something when it is triggered.
When your mama went to Sea World, the whales started singing, "We are family, even though you're fatter than me!"
Your mama is so far that when she told a joke, no one was laughing, but the floor was literally cracking up.
What's the difference between an orgy and mass suicide?
When exactly my cult members drink the Kool-Aid.
When I ask my dad if I got adopted, he said, "Not yet, no one wants you."