When jokes
When they spilled coffee on his neck, he got hot under the collar.
What happened when the man died? Yes.
*sans*: Why was the skeleton depressed? Because Frisk keeps resetting and it resets when he lost his phone.
Girl: "When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles, and lighten your burden."
Boy: "It's very kind of you, darling, but I don't have any worries or troubles."
Girl: "Well, that's because we aren't married yet!"
My dad told me a joke one time. When I realized the joke, the second tower was hit.
How did the cookie 🍪 feel when he was dunked in milk?
Batter.
Hey, I’m not an alcoholic! I only drink 2 times a year. When it’s my Birthday, and when it’s not...
What do guns and gum have in common?
When you pull one out, everyone wants to be your friend.
Credit to my boy tippecanoe3 for this joke.
What do you call it when Panera isn’t hungry?
Panera fed.
Credit to RogueRobot for this one:
What does Panera sleep in?
Panera bed.
Why do orphans do so well in life?
When people told them "Go big or go home," they only had one option.
When an American goes on a scale, the other person will say, "I asked for your weight, not your phone number!"
What does Sonic say when he doesn't want to get caught fucking in public?
Gotta Go Fast!
What did the stop sign say to the street sign when he couldn't read a map?
"Can you give me some pointers?"
What did the Nazi say when a doll hit his daughter?
A-doll Hitler!
What’s the difference between a police man and a bullet?
At least when a bullet kills someone, it’s actually fired.
What's the opposite of an exorcism?
When Satan has to tell the priest to come out of the child...
When your friends [are] talking about sports:
Jake says, "It was 17.56M people watching [the] basketball championship."🦁
Sam says, "It was 113M people watching the Super Bowl." 😯🐱
Avion says, "It was up from 1.12 billion people watching [the] World Cup." 😶🙀
What did the potato say when the sweet potato told it to hurry?
I yam.
Mom, shut up. Me? I don't shut up, I grow up. When I look at you, I throw up.
What did the koala do when he was too educated?
He ran away from koalapidia.