When jokes
What's the difference between a sheet and a baby?
One of them is really loud when you iron it.
When I was 11, my mom came home from the bar super drunk that night, and I just wanted to know if they knew where the cat was because I heard a noise. We had a loooooooong talk the next morning.
What did the baker say when he forgot the cookie sheets?
Ooh, snickerdoodles!
What do you get when you cross cow DNA with human DNA?
Kicked out of the petting zoo.
Me and my twin when we share a pizza: there can be only one!
What do you do when a French kid steals your pencil?
Load your MP-40 and tell him that you give him a history lesson on WWII.
Women be like, "Porn is how we get money," then get angry when boys treat women like shit because they seen it on porn.
What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?
What does a husband of a woman do when he is horny?
He goes on a business trip with 100 $1 dollar bills.
What does Yoda say when he’s at the strip club?
"Dirty bitch, you are."
My parents used to make me and my siblings apologize to the ground when we stomped.
If I had done "it," I would have gotten SO many apologies.
There was a cowboy riding in a desert when he saw a little girl up ahead. He heard her crying, so he went up to her and climbed down from his horse and asked her: "Hey, what's going on? Why do you cry? Where are your parents? What happened?"
The girl said in a crying, sad voice, "The Indians came, killed my father and my mother, and raped my sister."
The cowboy just laughed, unlocked his belt, and pulled his trousers down and said, "Guess it isn't your day, is it?"
I wasn't close to my father when he died. Which is lucky because he stepped on a landmine.
Who needs April Fool's when your life is a joke?
What happens when an emo kid loses a Kahoot? He gets a 25 kill streak.
What is the definition of clapped?
Ur mum when I am in her bed.
How do you know when German people break into your house? When you can not find your bed.
Little Johnny when he makes a Uranus joke:
Little Johnny: I have achieved comedy! 😂😂😂😂😂
How can you tell when a female became a rape victim? She crossed herself out, hanging by with a Carlton dry.
When the person who killed JFK heard "headshot."