When jokes
When is the peanut butter due to arrive?
In a Jif.
When she says "parents aren't home" so you rush upstairs.
The circular saw asked the chainsaw, "When am I as big as you?"
The chainsaw would answer with, "When you cut down some things in your life. Like your owner."
The circular saw would reply with, "What?"
When is a cold not a cold?
Yo mama so fat...
That when she used a jump rope... Every time she jumped caused a giant cataclysm!
How i feel when...
What is it called when corn stalks have a baby?
The cream of the crop.
Why do midgets laugh when they run?
The grass tickles their balls.
I went to my girlfriend's house one day in Alabama when I met her brother. He said, "Well, I guess there's no more you stuck in the dryer."
When your mom says it will all be ok if you just......... *there is blood on the floor*
My best opinion: when life goes to hell, you just go down with it.
When you say, "I wish I could cut off these bumps on my neck." (Your mom walking to you with a knife.)
When an orphan takes a family photo, it's called a selfie.
She's so fat that when she steps onto a wood floor, the floorboard doesn't creak, it screams: "Goddamn!!!" before it snaps from the weight.
You're so white that when I turn off the lights, you're a night light.
What do you get when you cross a cow with a cat?
A: Cowacat
B: Mooore
C: Cowacatfood
My mom said my sister was an angel, but when I threw her out the window, she didn't fly.
Grandma: When we go to a wedding, whispers, "You're next."
At a funeral, I whisper, "You're next."
What happens when a frog parks illegally?
He gets toad.
What did the janitor think when he was mopping the 101st floor?
The 102nd.
Your eyebrows and hairline are so far apart that when Dora the Explorer went and found your hairline and was trying to find your eyebrows, the map couldn't even tell her.