When jokes
What do you get when you cross a donkey with an onion?
A piece of ass that makes your eyes water.
What happens when you have a bladder infection? You're in trouble!
I was trying to hang the lights when I accidentally kicked the chair.
When the kid in the wheelchair scares you... you wheelie scared me.
What do you get when Cayden steals your sandwich? A knuckle sandwich.
...
Little Johnny went on a camping trip. All the tents were taken, so he shared with the teacher. So Little Johnny says: "Can I play with your bellybutton? My mom always lets me when we camp." So the teacher says: "Sure." 5 minutes later the teacher says: "Woah, woah, woah that's not my bellybutton!" Little Johnny says: "Woah, woah, woah, that's not my finger."
Your mum is so fat when she died the Earth was flat! 😂😂😂😂
When is Father's Day?
Nine months before Mother's Day.
Why can't Stephen Hawking go metal detecting?
Because when it beeps, it's him!
I like it when your mom keeps on top of things.
(Male fantasy)
Yeah, on top of me on the living room carpet, snogging my face off.
What do you get when you cross a pig with a cactus? A porkupine!
I hate when my father doesn't cook me cocktails for tea.
What do you get when you put a baby in a box of razor blades and throw it down the stairs?
An erection!
What happens when an angel and nun "have some fun and forget pills"?
The nun gets pregNUNt.
I had a boyfriend once. He broke up with me because he "wanted to be more alive." I guess it didn't work when he went to my basement.
What happens when Helen Keller picks her nose?
She slurs her words...
When you’re having the best sex in your life and your grandma says, “I’m not dead!”
Yo mama so fat when she walks the earth talks!
LMAO
Brother 2: We have these weird circles on the street! Government is tracking us!!!
Brother 1: They are just to sense cars so they can change lights. And it's the government.
Brother 2: Then why are there two in the left turn lane?
Brother 1: So one car isn't always going left and stopping the others.
Brother 2: Then why are they one car apart? Oh, to have three people going.
Brother 1: Correct. When I see one car on the first, I go on the second so my light changes.
Brother 2: You monster.
Brother 1: I wonder if they trigger by weight?
Brother 2: HA. Yo mama would trigger the sensor.
Brother 1: ARG. It's OUR MAMA you're disrespecting.
Mother (brother 1): What's going on boys? *looks in mirror* HOLY SH@& SHE IS PRETTY!
Brother 2: I think you should take your pills.
Brother 1: Found them.
*imaginary mother and brother fade away*
Thank you ELECTROBOOM for inspiring this joke/sh!t. Go subb to him.
Btw the (1) means it is just imaginary brother one acting like another brother.
What's the difference between Captain Morgan and Amy Winehouse?
Captain Morgan comes alive when you add coke.