When jokes

Michael Jackson gets really ill, so he's rushed to hospital. When they get there, he says, "Am I in heaven?"

The doctor replies, "Nah, sir, we're just taking a quick shortcut through the children's ward."

Jack and Jill went up the hill so Jack can eat her candy. He got sick when he got a mouthful of dick and realized her name was Randy.

What's the difference between you and Hitler?

Hitler knew when to kill himself.

You know when you sign up for something and it says "I'm not a robot"? I guess he never had the chance to tick that.

What is it called when an orphan takes a selfie?

A family photo.

What's the difference between onions and babies?

I cry when I cut onions.

Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water. Jack was surprised to see she had different eyes, and that’s when he realized... Jack had fucked Jill’s daughter.

I’m giving in my two week resignation to life... it’s not you ... it’s me!!!

I asked a poor old woman if I could take her home. She smiled and said yes. However, the expression on her face soon changed when I started walking away with her cardboard box.

What do you get when you cross the Atlantic with the Titanic? About half way.

When I was a child, my parents told me my uncle was 'sleeping with the fishes.' At first, I thought he bought a water bed, but I then discovered he was killed and buried at sea.

what do you get when you play a country song backwards? you get your wife, your house, and your kids back.

When I'm bored, I go into an elevator with a full duffle bag. Once people come in and the door closes, I zip open the bag a little bit and whisper to it, "I'll get you some food once we get off."

The only time you see a depressed person lifted up is when they hang themselves.

What do you get when you cross jokes and cum?

CUMedy.

What is it called when an orphan takes a selfie?

Family photo.

10 Fun Facts.

1. You can't wash your eyes with soap. 2. You can't count your hair. 3. You can't breathe through your nose with your tongue out. 4. You just tried number 3. 5. When you did number 3, you realized it's possible, only you look like a dog. 6. You're smiling right now because you were fooled. 7. You skipped number 5. 8. You just checked to see if there is a number 5. 9. Share this with your friends to have some fun too :-)

You're so ugly, when a pig saw you, it thought that you were their family member.

Your breath is so bad that when Santa came to your house for your present, he brought toothpaste.

What do you do when your dishwasher stops working? You slap her on the ass and tell her to get back to work.