When jokes

What happens when an emo kid tries to high-five you? You leave him hanging.

Why is it that when I'm in school doing PE, it's fine for someone to say "boys against girls", but the moment I say "blacks against whites" I'm the bad guy?

A boy walks in on his parents having sex. "What are you doing to my mother?!" the boy screams at his father, and runs out of the room.

Soon, the parents hear screams coming from the father's mother's room. They both go running. They see the little boy pumping into his grandmother like anything. "What are you doing to my mother?!" the father screams. "It's not so easy when it's your mother is it?" says the boy.

I don't always roll a joint, but when I do, it's my ankle.

Remember kids, when you're angry, burn down an orphanage. Then they'll really be living the hard knock life.

When I called the suicide hotline in Afghanistan, they got all excited and asked if I could fly a plane.

What do you call it when a snowman throws a tantrum?

A meltdown.

Why do short people laugh when they run?

Because the grass tickles their balls.

What do you get when a cow doesn't give any more milk?

A milk dud 😂

What's the difference between a baby and an onion? I cry when I cut up onions.

I'm so depressed that when I smile, my Face ID doesn't recognize me.

When I see the names of lovers engraved on a tree, I don't find it cute or romantic. I find it weird how many people take knives with them on dates.

A man walks into a magic forest, when he stumbles upon a talking tree and tries to cut it down. The tree says, "You can't cut me down, I'm a talking tree!" The man replies, "You may be a talking tree, but you will dialogue."

Do you know what you first feel when you shoot someone?

The recoil.

Yo mama so fat that when I banged her in the jacuzzi, there was a level 8 tsunami.

I would roast you, but the mirrors do when you look at them.

Why do I have to go to a shooting range when I can go to school and do it for free?

I was digging a hole in the garden until I found some coins! I was about to tell my mum when I remembered I was digging a hole in the garden.

When you push your grandma out of her wheelchair and steal it.

“They see me rollin’, they hatin’.”

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.