When jokes
Damn boy, you must be Nick Cannon because you don’t know when or how to stop.
When I found out that 10 billion bowls of soup are consumed each year in AMERICA, I thought to myself, "I thought soup was healthy. Apparently not!"
Your hairline is so back when the police saw it, they had to arrest you.
What happens when Stephen Hawking wakes up from his sleep?
"Log in."
Little April was not the best student in Sunday school. Usually she slept through the class.
One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, “Tell me, April, who created the universe?” When April didn’t stir, little Johnny, a boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. “GOD ALMIGHTY!” shouted April and the teacher said, “Very good,” and April fell back asleep.
A while later the teacher asked April, “Who is our Lord and Savior?” But, April didn’t even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again. “JESUS CHRIST!” shouted April and the teacher said, “very good,” and April fell back to sleep.
Then the teacher asked April a third question. “What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?” And again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin. This time April jumped up and shouted, “IF YOU STICK THAT F*****G THING IN ME ONE MORE TIME, I’LL BREAK IT IN HALF AND STICK IT UP YOUR ARSE!” The Teacher fainted.
Why was the new gamer mad when they were playing Overwatch? Because gamer girl WAS ALREADY TRACER.
Your mom is so fat that when she stood on a scale, it said, "We need an actual person, not an elephant!"
What time is it when you get home and you can walk walk home and walk walk?
When my boss asked me who is the stupid one, me or him? I told him everyone knows he doesn't hire stupid people.
How do blind people know when to stop wiping?
With a taste test.
Yo mama is so fat that she is not wrong when she says the world revolves around her.
When the driver ran out of fuel, what kind of gasoline did he use? Grassoline.
How do you know an orphan is telling the truth?
When they swear on their mother's grave!
My girlfriend sent “a let’s break up text” right when I was done editing our pics.
When you ask your brother where his hairline is, and he points where it's supposed to be, and you say, "I don't see one there."
What did the tree say when spring finally arrived?
"What a re-leaf."
Please don't get mad, it's a joke.
What's the difference between a bullet and a police officer? At least when a bullet kills someone, it's fired.
They used to laugh when I said I wanted to be a comedian.
Well, they're not laughing now!
Roses are red, grass is greener.
When I think of you, I play with my weiner.
I don't shut up, I grow up, and when I see you, I throw up.