When jokes
Your mom is so ugly that when she went to rob a bank, they had to turn the cameras off.
Even a psychopath is sympathetic when an onion self-harms!
pilot: *over intercom* we're all going to die.
passengers: *start freaking out*
pilot: all of us will one day, no one knows when.
passengers: *sigh with relief*
pilot: but it'll probably be when we hit that mountain.
Jack and Jill went up the hill so Jack can eat her candy. He got sick when he got a mouthful of dick and realized her name was Randy.
A blonde really got tired of all blonde jokes and decided to hang herself in the bathroom. As she locked the door, she yelled at her husband, "I'm hanging myself because I'm tired of jokes about us blondes being stupid!" Her husband broke into the bathroom and saw his wife with a rope tied on her toe. The husband said, "I thought you were hanging yourself." She said, "Yes, I am!" The husband replied, "Usually when people hang themselves, they tie the rope around their neck, so why is yours tied on your toe?" She said, "I tried that, but I couldn't breathe."
Memes
Why I come here instead of reddit nowadays >:\
What do you get when a cow is caught in an earthquake?
You get a milkshake!
What happens when a cow jumps over a wire fence?
Udder destruction.
I had a terrifying experience last night. I was alone in the house having a bath... when all of a sudden... I felt a tap on my shoulder.
How do you know when Helen Keller is home?
Answer: When you hear somebody falling down the stairs!
When a mute girl gives a hand job, is it oral?
Your breath is so bad that when Santa came to your house for your present, he brought toothpaste.
I was gonna walk up to an emo and say, "Do you get jealous when your phone dies?"
What did the receptionist at the sperm bank say when you were leaving? "Thanks for coming!" ππ
What do you do when you see a sad orphan?
Nothing, let them wait for their parents.
When the emo kid hangs himself and the autistic kid thinks that it's a piΓ±ata... BATTER UP TO THE PLATE!
One morning a dad was sitting and watching TV. His daughter comes in and says, "Dad! Why is my name Rose?" He replied, "Oh! It's because when you were born a rose petal fell on your head." "Cool," Rose said.
The second daughter walked in and said, "Dad! Why is my name Daisy?" He replied, "Oh! It's because when you were a baby, a daisy petal fell on your head." "Awesome," Daisy said.
The third daughter came in and said, "DuUuBuDuRDeEDeRdUuUuU!!!" "SHUT UP CINDER BLOCK!!!"
Me at the Oscars when I see Jada Pinkett Smith, I said: "G.I. Jane 2, more like G.I. Jada 2, can't wait to see it."
So Will Smith is laughing and then suddenly, Will Smith walks up to me and punches me in the face.
Me: "Ow, oh, wow. Will Smith just smacked the shit out of me.β My nigga Smith goes: "KEEP MY WIFE'S NAME OUT OF YOUR FUCKING MOUTH!" Me: "Maybe you should focus on keeping her friends out of hers."
When a midget smokes weed, do they get high or medium?
What do TVs and girls have in common?
They both show you stuff when you turn them on!
When an emo kid jumps out of a tree, what happens when he hits the ground?
Nothin' much, he just flops over an hour later when they untie the rope.