When jokes
You know you are from China when you use rice instead of glue.
When I have sex, my girlfriend screams, especially when I walk in on her.
Blessed Brian, your secrets are safe with me... because I wasn’t listening when you told them.
Yo, Leo, are you an interior decorator? Because when you enter a room, it becomes EMPTY!
What did the rapper say when he stubbed his toe?
"Ouch! That's NOT a sick beat!"
Yo mama is so clumsy, when she had her first kickboxing lesson, she kicked herself in the testicles.
Do you know why they call me battery saver?
I get turned on when it’s below 10%.
You know, you should adopt a pet. So then you can feel the pain that your parents felt when they adopted you... wait... also the regret after.
What do you get when you cross cow DNA with human DNA?
Kicked out of the petting zoo.
What’s the difference between a fly and Lady Diana?
The sound when they hit the windshield.
Marriage is really educational.
When I was single, I didn't even know there was a wrong way to put a fork in the dishwasher.
My son told me he wanted to be Batman when he grows up. That little shit wants to be gunned down in an alley.
Why do people hit their electronics when they don’t work?
You keep the tradition of hitting black things.
What did God say when he made the first black man?
"Crap, I burnt one!"
What do you call it when Panera Bread commits genocide?
Panera bloodshed.
When a "Baby on Board" sticker is a little faded and beat up, you know the kid is at least a year old, and the car is safe to ram.
How do blind people know when to stop wiping?
With a taste test.
My grandma always looks at me when we go to a wedding and says, "You’re next!"
When we attend a funeral, I say, "You’re next!"
When cops say you have the right to remain silent,
You're just happy you have the right to do something.
I hooked up with my German girlfriend, but I kept on getting distracted when she kept yelling her age.