When jokes
What do you do when an epileptic has a seizure in the bathtub?
Throw in some laundry...
Yo mama is so ugly, when she went for plastic surgery, they accidentally gave her face a Brazilian Butt Lift!
What did Daveon say when he saw a spider? "I'm Dave-on with this!"
When I have sex, my girlfriend screams, especially when I walk in on her.
Blessed Brian, your secrets are safe with me... because I wasn’t listening when you told them.
Yo, Leo, are you an interior decorator? Because when you enter a room, it becomes EMPTY!
What did the rapper say when he stubbed his toe?
"Ouch! That's NOT a sick beat!"
Yo mama is so dumb, when she had a brain scan, the result was 404...
Yo mama is so clumsy, when she had her first kickboxing lesson, she kicked herself in the testicles.
What does Yoda say when he’s at the strip club?
"Dirty bitch, you are."
Do you know why they call me battery saver?
I get turned on when it’s below 10%.
What do you get when you mix a grizzly bear and milk? Mauled.
What happens when you have dry elbows at work?
You don't have any elbow grease to put into it.
Marriage is really educational.
When I was single, I didn't even know there was a wrong way to put a fork in the dishwasher.
When the emo girl is in a movie and the director says, "Cut."
What do you call it when Panera Bread goes to space?
Good question.
What do you call it when someone lies to Panera Bread?
Panera misled.
Ms. Smith: Johnny, when I was a little girl, I was told if I made ugly faces, it would freeze, and I would stay like that.
Little Johnny: Well, Ms. Smith, you can't say you weren't warned.
What's the difference between a baby and a bowling ball?
A bowling ball doesn't cry when you put your fingers in it.
I was digging in my garden when I found this chest of gold coins.
I wanted to run inside to tell my wife what I found, but that's when I remembered why I was digging.