When jokes
When life gives you lemons... call them yellow oranges and sell 'em for double the price!
When was the last time you saw yourself in the mirror?
How did "Bloody Mary" become a thing?
Because her husband beat her bloody when she didn't stay in the kitchen.
Yo momma's so fat, when she gets an abortion, she can feed the entire country of Africa leftovers.
A hunter shot holes into his favorite book.
When confronted, he said it was the "holey" Bible!
Q: What did the late cannibal get when he got to the party?
A: A cold shoulder.
Q: Why are orphans so successful? A: Because when they were younger, they got told, "Go big or go home," and only had one option.
Yo mama was so fat that when she stepped on the scale the scale said: "You gained another pound, nice going fatso, a few more ounces and you can qualify for your own zip code!"
You can only say "Kobe" now when you're playing flight simulator.
What do you call a Japanese person when their knees are cured?
"Happynese" (happy knees).
Yo mama so fat, when she falls, they have to call 999 and a crane to pick her up.
My wife is so fat.
She asked me to get on top; I had to get a step ladder. When I got up there, my ears popped, and the air was so thin. I had to have two Sherpas drag me off the mountain.
I am so depressed! I get jealous when my phone dies.
Nana when Zane kisses her in her mind: [Insert Chiwawa Scream!]
Your mum is so fat, when she roleplayed Wonder Woman, she couldn't fit in the invisible jet.
My cousin: “How’s the lemonade stand supposed to run when you’re at softball practice?!”
Me: “Lemonade stands can’t run, dufus.”
My Mrs is going to hit the roof when she realizes I've replaced the bed with a trampoline!
Yo mamma so fat, when she tried to sit down the chair ran away.
What site does a vegetable go to when he/she is stressed?
cornhub.com
When you ask for plastic surgery, they said, "We could not fix you, but the only way is to wear a mask to fix your ugly face."