When jokes
I hooked up with my German girlfriend, but I kept on getting distracted when she kept yelling her age.
What do you call it when Panera Bread goes to space?
Good question.
What do you call it when someone lies to Panera Bread?
Panera misled.
What do you call it when Panera Bread decapitates someone?
Panera Behead.
Ms. Smith: Johnny, when I was a little girl, I was told if I made ugly faces, it would freeze, and I would stay like that.
Little Johnny: Well, Ms. Smith, you can't say you weren't warned.
When I bring someone breakfast in bed, I want to hear a thank you. And no, “What are you doing in my house?”
When I was a kid, my father would tell me that the black Santa Claus was coming to our house for Christmas. So, instead of putting out cookies and milk, we would put out cornbread and purple Kool-Aid.
I remember when Halloween was the scariest night of the year. Now, it's Election night.
The worst part about working for the department of unemployment is when you get fired, you still have to show up the next day.
Every depressed person just has to say, "I WANT TO JUMP OFF THAT TALL BUILDING RIGHT THERE!" and then points to the building and runs up to it like an immature child, and then they get disappointed when they aren't allowed into the building.
What did the duck do when he crossed the road?
The duck jumped into a pool of ant piles! 💀💀
Q: What's the difference between a suicide vest and a feminist?
A: At least one does something when it is triggered.
Why do orphans do so well in life?
When people told them "Go big or go home," they only had one option.
You know you have weird Indian parents when you can hear them canilingus each other.
Yo mama so fat that when she steps into an elevator, she has to go down.
When an orphan takes a family photo, it's called a selfie.
Yo mama's so poor that when I was walking down the street, I saw her kicking the trash can, and I asked, "What are you doing?" She said, "I'm moving!"
Yo mama is so fat when she goes to the dentist, they make her lay face down.
When I get jokes. They aren't f****** restarted like you.
My sister.
What's the difference between a dead hooker and an onion?
I don't cry when I'm cutting up a dead hooker.