When jokes
You know you are from China when you use rice instead of glue.
What did Daveon say when he saw a spider? "I'm Dave-on with this!"
What did the rapper say when he stubbed his toe?
"Ouch! That's NOT a sick beat!"
Yo mama is so dumb, when she had a brain scan, the result was 404...
Yo mama is so clumsy, when she had her first kickboxing lesson, she kicked herself in the testicles.
Memes
What does Yoda say when he’s at the strip club?
"Dirty bitch, you are."
Marriage is really educational.
When I was single, I didn't even know there was a wrong way to put a fork in the dishwasher.
When the emo girl is in a movie and the director says, "Cut."
What do you get when you cross a rapper with an accountant?
A money manager who counts bars.
My screen lock is my favorite picture of my wife. When I'm on a 14-hour shift, being miserable, hating my life... I pull out my phone and gaze at the picture of my wife. Then I realize it's better here than at home with her ass.
Why do orphans do so well in life?
When people told them "Go big or go home," they only had one option.
What did the passengers of the plane say when they saw the airplane strip? Nothing, because it was not an airplane strip, but a tower.
You know you have weird Indian parents when you can hear them canilingus each other.
When your mama went to Sea World, the whales started singing, "We are family, even though you're fatter than me!"
Yo mama so fat that when she steps into an elevator, she has to go down.
When an orphan takes a family photo, it's called a selfie.
Yo mama's so poor that when I was walking down the street, I saw her kicking the trash can, and I asked, "What are you doing?" She said, "I'm moving!"
When your boy tries to have a bad day while you're on your period:
Oh, you have a cold? How rude of me. I just laid an egg, and now my body is ripping down the walls of my uterus. But can I get you a tissue?
How did "Bloody Mary" become a thing?
Because her husband beat her bloody when she didn't stay in the kitchen.
Your mama is so fat, when she stepped on the scale the doctor asked for her weight, not her phone number.