When jokes
What do you get when King Kong steps on Batman and Robin?
Flatman and Ribbon.
Yo mama so fat, when she walked by the TV, I missed three episodes.
Me: Are you okay?
Dentist: I'm just a bit surprised. When I said to you "spit it out," I wasn't expecting you to say you've been shagging my wife.
What did they do with Michael Jackson when he died?
He got so many plastic surgeries that they melted him down into legos and let kids play with him for a change.
When you die, scientists will preserve your skull.
What did the rapper say when he stubbed his toe?
"Ouch! That's NOT a sick beat!"
Yo momma is so fat, when she fell I was not laughing, but the sidewalk cracked up.
If I fuck you harder, you have to scream "daddy," but what happens when you cum?
When is a door not a door?
When it is ajar.
When I'm bored, I go into an elevator with a full duffle bag. Once people come in and the door closes, I zip open the bag a little bit and whisper to it, "I'll get you some food once we get off."
How did Santa feel when he got stuck in the chimney?
Claus-trophobic.
Don’t criticize someone until you’ve walked a mile in their shoes.
So, when you criticize them, they won’t be able to hear you from that far away. Plus, you’ll have their shoes.
So, I was in the church the other day, raping this woman, when she screamed, 'Please! Think of my children!' I said, 'Ooo, you kinky bitch.'
Three blondes were taking a walk when they stumbled on some tracks. They argued on what the tracks came from. One of them said, "it's a deer." The other said, "No it's a coyote." The last one was going to give her thoughts, but that was when the train hit them.
What do you call it when a midget waves at you?
A microwave.
I have an EpiPen.
My friend gave it to me when he was dying.
It seemed really important to him that I have it.
Your mom is so ugly. When she goes to the dentist, they make her face down.
What happens when you see corn looking at you in your window?
A corn stalk!
There was a cowboy riding in a desert when he saw a little girl up ahead. He heard her crying, so he went up to her and climbed down from his horse and asked her: "Hey, what's going on? Why do you cry? Where are your parents? What happened?"
The girl said in a crying, sad voice, "The Indians came, killed my father and my mother, and raped my sister."
The cowboy just laughed, unlocked his belt, and pulled his trousers down and said, "Guess it isn't your day, is it?"
When the school shooter finally leaves your classroom, but then the autistic kid next to you's sketchers light up.