When jokes

At what point does a joke become a dad joke?

When it disappears and never returns home.

Little Johnny is with his dad behind a garbage truck when a dildo thumps the windshield.

To protect Little Johnny's innocence, he says, "That was an insect."

Little Johnny replies, "I'm surprised it could get off the ground with a cock like that!"

Q: What's the difference between a CEO and a beer can?

A: Beer cans don't bleed when they get shot.

When I was a kid, I knew a woman named Betty Pears.

She died a horrible death from Alzheimer's.

I thought a pear was a fruit, not a vegetable!

I will never forget the moment when my father saw me masturbating. He said, "Son, what are you doing? I'm on a video conference - get out of my office!"

How do you know when you have been invited to a gay barbecue?

When you are unable to distinguish foot-long hot dogs from long and thick big dicks, regardless of skin color.

What does a physicist call it when a suicidal person is high up? Potential energy.

When did Michael say, "This is it"?

2009.

What has 2 or 3 hands and is always right twice a day when it is broken?

A clock.

When the emo girl is in a movie and the director says, "Cut."

The north and south towers got into an argument.

The south tower said, "We will talk about this when we are on the ground."

What was the weather forecast when the planes hit the World Trade Center? Partly cloudy with scattered passengers!

What's the difference between a baby and a bowling ball?

A bowling ball doesn't cry when you put your fingers in it.

What do you get when you mix a grizzly bear and milk? Mauled.

I was digging in my garden when I found this chest of gold coins.

I wanted to run inside to tell my wife what I found, but that's when I remembered why I was digging.

I hate it when you say your life is a joke because a joke actually has meaning.

What happens when you have dry elbows at work?

You don't have any elbow grease to put into it.

When I was recently standing in front of a huge puddle with my buddy, I remembered how he tricked me a week ago. So I tricked him...

Why do emos suck at playing tic-tac-toe on their wrists?

Because when they win, they lose.

When does a cub become a Boy Scout?

When he eats his first brownie.