When jokes
There were 1 mom and 3 kids. The first kid comes up and asks, "Why is my name Daisy?" The mom says, "Because when you were born a daisy fell on your head." The second kid asks their mom, "Why is my name Butterfly?" The mom says, "Because when you were born a butterfly landed on your head." Then the third kid yells, "Ahjoejienfkef." The mom says, "Shut up, Brick!"
Your mom's so fat, when she sat on Walmart, she lowered the prices!
I refuse to believe my dad got fired as a road worker for theft. But when I came home, there were signs everywhere.
What do you get when you cross a butt with a phone?
A booty call.
People were talking and asking what's the worst day of the year for them.
Person 1: "The first day of school because I don't like going to school."
Person 2: "Valentine's day because it's too lovey."
Me: "Oh nice, mine is my birthday because it's when I was born."
One day, a man was walking in an alley when a crackhead attacks him. So the man shoots him in the head and runs inside his home. When he goes to his wife, she asks him if he saw her dad.
what do you get when you play a country song backwards? you get your wife, your house, and your kids back.
What shoes do pedophiles wear? White vans.
How do pedophiles fit in? They force it to go in.
How do you make a 16 mm hole into a 40 mm hole? A pedophile comes in.
What did Santa say when he was passing over some hookers? "Ho ho ho!"
What do you get when you cross a German and a Mexican? A “BeanerSchnitzel”!
Clarie: I don't even care if it was a joke he made on me, you and Karlen, and if you think I'm getting over it, then you must have an oatmeal for a brain.
Jordan: Clarie ... you are so sensitive when she tells a little joke about you, me, and Karlen.
Clarie: It was painful!
Jordan: Who cares? I laughed. Ben is not a bad person, okay, calm down.
Clarie: Ben is a bad person. We are making friends with a bully/thug, but you say that he is not a "bad person", my mom is going to kill me if she finds out that I am hanging out with those kinds of people!
Jordan: Then don't tell her! Listen, I need you, give Ben a chance! Please?
Clarie: Shush, Karlen is coming!
Karlen: Hey guys, that Ben guy for sure has a way of saying words, I wish I could hurt him!!
When I called the suicide hotline in Afghanistan, they got all excited and asked if I could drive a truck.
Why do old people swallow popcorn kernels?
To make their cremation more entertaining when they die.
What time is it when you say "bad day?"
What do you get when you cross a lesbian that is a feminazi, a lesbian that is a progressive democrat, a promiscuous woman that is a lesbian prostitute working inside a lesbian brothel in San Francisco, California, and one of Jehovah's Witnesses?
This is Sally.
Sally says hi.
This is Sally when a car comes by. 🤕
When a family friend passed away, my granddaughter took her three-year-old son to visit the widow. As they approached the front door, she whispered to the boy, “Make sure to tell her how sorry you are.” He whispered back, “Why? I didn’t kill him.”
What did the hungry Dalmation say when he had some kibble? That hit the spot!
What do you get when a cow doesn't give any more milk?
A milk dud 😂
Your mama so fat, when Santa saw her he said, "Ho, ho, holy s***!"
Why am I so fat? When I was younger my mother said I should be the bigger person.