When jokes
Yo mama so fat, when she fell, I didn't laugh, but the concrete laughed up.
What does Jesus do when he gets nervous? He bites his nails.
Karien: Mom, I don't care if you're dating a new guy, I want you and Dad to be together!
Daiana: Sometimes things don't work out, like when it didn't work between your father and me. Time to move on, Karien.
Karien: Well I'm not moving on! I can't believe you love someone else!
Daiana: Karien, just give him a chance. His name is Derek, he loves cooking, cleaning, and anything that has you doing something.
Karien: That is so boring!
Daiana: Well just work with me please?
Karien: I'll give you a day... 24 hours, Mom!
What did the grape say when the elephant sat on it?
Nothing, it just let out a little wine!
When the grass is bloody, You play in the mud...
When I become a parent, I’m gonna regurgitate my food to feed my children.
It’ll give me an excuse to make out with my daughter.
What do you get when you get yourself a deer with no eyes?
You get no-eye-deer.
I was the manager at a McDonald’s in Turin when I saw Penaldo walk in and submit a job application. I asked him to show me his skills and experience, but he just started diving and asking for pens and tap-ins. I was confused until Penaldo told me that’s all he knows how to do.
Boy: *scares girl*
Girl: "Gosh, you scared me, Jesus!"
Jesus: *Arrives out of nowhere and said, "What is it, human? I got work to do."*
Girl: What work?
Jesus: "Coming out of nowhere when people say 'Jesus.'"
Yo mama so fat, when she put on a yellow raincoat people see her and yell "Hey yo, taxi!"
What do a bullet and a police officer have in common?
When a bullet kills someone, it gets fired.
What does a paedophile say when he gets to heaven?
A: Where's the holy baby?
What do astronauts 👩🚀 do when they’re on break?
They eat launch. 🚀🥪
What happened when the dog played golf?
He hit the ball into the ruff.
I’ve been told I’ve got a perfect cock. She sure was hard on me when I cut it off, though.
When your uncle drops a nickel, but the only thing he really drops is his pants.
Why did Mozart kill all his chickens?
Because when he asked them who the best composer was, they all said, "Bach, Bach, Bach!"
When I die, I want to be shot out of a cannon.
And into a children's birthday party.
What did the hematologist say when his Canadian patient wrote that he's blood type "eh"? "Ah, probably just go with blood typo!"
Time heals all wounds.
Unless you have AIDS, when time kills you slowly and painfully.