When jokes

VOTING FINAL This vote is for the best School Shooter joke of the month.

LIKE: When the school shooter is about to leave your classroom and the autistic kid’s sketchers light up.

DISLIKE: When you’re playing dead and the school shooter starts unbuckling his belt and you hear him say “This boy always had a fat ass”.

Vote for the better joke and the Joke of the Month will be announced in the comments tomorrow.

There were these three men; their names were Shit, Shut up, and Manners. One day, they were riding in their car, and Shit fell out, so Manners went out to pick Shit up, and Shut up went to the police station.

When he got there, the police officer said, "What's your name, son?" and Shut up said, "Shut up." The officer replies with, "Ummm...excuse me?!" and Shut up said, "Shut up!" and the officer said, "Boy, where are your manners?" and Shut up said, "Round the corner picking up Shit!"

There were these two guys in a lunatic asylum... and one night, they decide they don't like living in an asylum anymore. They decide they're going to escape!

So, like, they get up onto the roof, and there, just across this narrow gap, they see the rooftops of the town, stretching away in the moonlight... stretching away to freedom. Now, the first guy, he jumps right across with no problem. But his friend, his friend didn't dare make the leap. You see... You see, he's afraid of falling.

So then, the first guy has an idea... He says "Hey! I have my flashlight with me! I'll shine it across the gap between the buildings. You can walk along the beam and join me!" B-but the second guy just shakes his head. He suh-says... He says "Wh-what do you think I am? Crazy? You'd turn it off when I was half way across!"

Yo mama so fat, when she goes to the movies, she sneaks candy in her fat rolls.

If there was a quiz on midgets, here’s the Midget quiz and the questions that would be on it:

1. When midgets get high on any drug, do they get high or medium?

2. Do midgets come out the closet or the cabinet?

3. Are Midgets related to Snow White’s 7 Dwarfs?

4. Is a midget just a human without the mushroom in Mario?

5. Was this funny?

I dated a German girl, it was very annoying when she kept on screaming her age and moaning.

What has 2 or 3 hands and is always right twice a day when it is broken?

A clock.

What's the difference between a prostitute and a Democrat? A prostitute will stop screwing you when you run out of money.

Yo mama so fat...

...people in Florida start buying flood insurance when they see her waddling toward the ocean.

I thought when my friends called me curvy, it was a compliment, but it turns out they were referring to my spine.

What do you get when you mix Viagra with spinach?

Strong to the finish.

How do you know when you're near Wacko Jacko's grave? When 'Thriller' is out and about.

What do you do when you run out of carpets? Fetch your shotgun and look for Explain Bear.

When did Michael say, "This is it"?

2009.

Everyone becomes happy when they complete the last stage of the game.

But the cancer patients aren't.

Why do they put barcodes on the ships in Norway?

Why?

So when they come into port, they can Scan-de-navian.

Yo momma's so hairy that when the baby came out, it got rug burn.

Why tie when you can knot?

When I went to see the doctor, he remarked that he hadn't seen me in a while.

I said that I have been ill.

When is a door not a door?

When it’s ajar!