When jokes
Three friends were stuck in the desert. They were struggling and trying to find food when they found a magical lamp. They rubbed it and out came a genie, and the genie says, "Each of you friends get to have one wish." So the first friend said, "I wish to go home," same as the second one. The third friend said, "I'm lonely. I wish my friends were with me!"
What do you call it when a friend calms his suicidal friend? "Hang in there, buddy."
What happens when Stephen Hawking dies?
The Windows shutdown sound plays.
I call my girlfriend .05 because she's a bag I blow into when I've had a few drinks.
You're at your girlfriend's house for a family dinner. Your GF says, "Daddy, please pass me the salt," when you and her father begin to reach for the salt.
When is the best time to go to the dentist?
2:30.
What did the fish say when he swam into a wall?
Dam.
When you think your mom's a virgin, then you stumble into the wrong closet.
What do you call it when an orphan takes a family photo? A selfie.
Hey, yesterday I played with my sister. When I woke up, she was gone.
Michael Jackson died of shock when he found out Boys II Men wasn't a delivery service.
That moment when you poop 😂
What do you get when you cross a bisexual male that is a catholic priest and a christian police officer that is a bisexual male and a born again homophobic heteroflexable male that is a christian nationalist who is in the closet a gay man that needs to be force out of the closet by any means necessary?
Jack and Molly are sitting in school one day. Molly is asleep when the teacher asks her a question, “Molly, who created Heaven and Earth?”
Jack sees Molly is sleeping and quickly pokes her with a sharp pencil.
“Jesus Christ almighty!” shouts Molly.
“Correct,” says the teacher.
The next day the teacher asks, “Molly, who created Heaven and Earth?”
Molly is again asleep and is poked by Jack’s pencil.
“Jesus Christ almighty!” she shouts.
“Correct again,” says the teacher.
The next day, for a 3rd time, Molly is asleep.
This time the teacher asks her, “What did Eve say to Adam when she had so many children?”
Jack pokes Molly with the pencil again, and this time Molly screams “If you stick that thing in me one more time I’m going to crack it in half!”
The teacher fainted.
I asked my date to meet me at the gym today. She didn't show up. That's when I knew we weren't gonna work out.
I wonder if any of these people are still alive.
Anyways,
When I arrived at the pearly gates when I died, the guardian asked me how I died. I told him I was just hanging around.
When you still there?
Yo momma's so fat, when she gets in a monster truck, it turns into a lowrider.
When a pregnant lady gives birth, it looks like she is having an erection.
What happens when you bring a paedophile to a baby's birthday party?
You will have even more birthday parties to go to.