When jokes
Yo mama so ugly, when she looks in a mirror, it says, "Viewer discretion advised!"
What’s the difference between a mosquito and a blonde?
One stops sucking when you slap it.
"I've only been ripped off twice in my life. The first time was when I ordered three kebabs and they only delivered two. The second time was when we signed Cristiano Ronaldo."
-Al Nassr owner
22. Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm for a few hours. Set him on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.
24. When does a joke become a dad joke? When it leaves you and never comes back.
31. My grandfather said my generation relies too much on the latest technology. So I unplugged his life support.
When your girl is sucking your dick and chokes on it, not because it’s big but because you haven’t washed it in weeks.
I was shocked when I found out my toaster was not waterproof.
Yo mama so fat, when she fell, I didn't laugh, but the concrete laughed up.
What does Jesus do when he gets nervous? He bites his nails.
A father is talking to his three kids.
Kid 1: Why is my name Rose?
Dad: Because when you were a kid, a rose fell on your head.
Kid 2: Why is my name Lily?
Dad: Because a lily fell on your head when you were a baby.
Kid 3: Auughhghhhggghhh!
Dad: Oh hey, Brick.
Karien: Mom, I don't care if you're dating a new guy, I want you and Dad to be together!
Daiana: Sometimes things don't work out, like when it didn't work between your father and me. Time to move on, Karien.
Karien: Well I'm not moving on! I can't believe you love someone else!
Daiana: Karien, just give him a chance. His name is Derek, he loves cooking, cleaning, and anything that has you doing something.
Karien: That is so boring!
Daiana: Well just work with me please?
Karien: I'll give you a day... 24 hours, Mom!
When the grass is bloody, You play in the mud...
What did the grape say when the elephant sat on it?
Nothing, it just let out a little wine!
I was the manager at a McDonald’s in Turin when I saw Penaldo walk in and submit a job application. I asked him to show me his skills and experience, but he just started diving and asking for pens and tap-ins. I was confused until Penaldo told me that’s all he knows how to do.
Yo mama so fat, when she put on a yellow raincoat people see her and yell "Hey yo, taxi!"
What do a bullet and a police officer have in common?
When a bullet kills someone, it gets fired.
Boy: *scares girl*
Girl: "Gosh, you scared me, Jesus!"
Jesus: *Arrives out of nowhere and said, "What is it, human? I got work to do."*
Girl: What work?
Jesus: "Coming out of nowhere when people say 'Jesus.'"
What do you get when you get yourself a deer with no eyes?
You get no-eye-deer.
When I become a parent, I’m gonna regurgitate my food to feed my children.
It’ll give me an excuse to make out with my daughter.
What does a paedophile say when he gets to heaven?
A: Where's the holy baby?
"Yo mama is so fat that when I buried her, she made the Earth round."