When jokes
When is a rape victim right?
When she admits she lied.
When my dad once went to the Virgin Islands, now it's just called the Islands.
What do you call the White House when a woman becomes President? A stable.
Me and Jesus are really close; he even turns the light on for me when I go pee in the middle of the night. Well, that is what I thought until the fridge was wet.
VOTING QUARTERFINAL 1: LIKE: When the school shooter is about to leave your classroom and the autistic kid's sketchers light up.
DISLIKE: When the school shooter finds you and you think you're gonna die, but he remembers the time you gave him a pen. π
Vote for the better joke!
Memes
When you overslept and can't find Noah
A guy on a bus saw a beautiful girl. He asked for her number, and of course, she said no. He asked the bus driver for advice, and he said, "That girl goes to the cemetery to pray every day at 10 p.m. and look for a statue of an angel." So he dresses up as God, goes to the grave, and she sees him. She says, "Oh, Lord, end my misery! Kill me now!" And he said, "Only if you do something for me first." She replied, "What is it, oh mighty Lord?" He said, "Have sex with me." She agreed. They had sex, and when she was done sucking his dick, he said, "I have something to tell you." He took off his costume and said, "I'm the guy from the bus." And she took off her costume: "I'm the bus driver."
(Does anyone remember this? It's an old joke someone made, or does no one remember this? I didn't make this, but it went smth like this)
What do we want?!
A cure for Tourette's!!
When do we want it?!
Cunt!!!
What do you call it when you're dead because of that one drink in Panera Bread? Panera dead.
What happens when a strawberry gets run over crossing the street? Traffic jam.
Your hairline is running away faster than when your dad went to get milk, and thatβs saying something.
What did the priest say when he walked into an elementary school?
Let us prey.
What did the woman say when I told a rape joke?
"I don't get it."
What did the terrorist do when his kidneys failed?
Dial-ISIS!
"I've only been ripped off twice in my life. The first time was when I ordered three kebabs and they only delivered two. The second time was when we signed Cristiano Ronaldo."
-Al Nassr owner
Why do I look nervous when I enter the church? Is it just because I'm the only one with the bomb?
I murdered my friend's brother because he kept saying "HEE HEE" like Michael Jackson when I was trying to have a serious conversation. I just found out he was disabled. That's a THRILLER.
When someone calls you gay, say:
"I'm straight, straighter than your hairline!"
What is soccer like when you lose your soccer ball?
Orphan: "My Parents."
When you look in the mirror, the mirror cracks.
What do you call James Bond when heβs taking a bath?
Bubble 07.