When jokes

What do you call it when you drop a bottle of food dye?

"It's dye-ing."

What did the terrorist do when his kidneys failed?

Dial-ISIS!

What did the woman say when I told a rape joke?

"I don't get it."

"I've only been ripped off twice in my life. The first time was when I ordered three kebabs and they only delivered two. The second time was when we signed Cristiano Ronaldo."

-Al Nassr owner

Yo mama so ugly, when she looks in a mirror, it says, "Viewer discretion advised!"

What’s the difference between a mosquito and a blonde?

One stops sucking when you slap it.

I murdered my friend's brother because he kept saying "HEE HEE" like Michael Jackson when I was trying to have a serious conversation. I just found out he was disabled. That's a THRILLER.

When someone calls you gay, say:

"I'm straight, straighter than your hairline!"

Why do I look nervous when I enter the church? Is it just because I'm the only one with the bomb?

A man asked another man if he was happy with his marriage. He replied, "Yes, I'm very happy. We go on date night every week." The other man asked, "When?" He goes on Wednesday and I go on Thursday.

When the school shooter is about to leave the school, and then the autistic kid screams, "Hooray!"

When a girl was having an asthma attack, Ariana said, "Just keep breathing and breathing and breathin!!!!!"

It hasn't been the same since Kobe died. I can't say "Kobe" anymore when going to shoot a shot. Now I have to say, "Kobe crash!"

Today, my family visited Disneyland. When we got to the hall of fame, I was shocked to find a statue of the BielefeldMan.

The tour guide said, "That’s Lewandisney. He owns the biggest collection of Disney TAP-INS and is a Mickey Mouse clubhouse member." Well done Lewandisney!

Why do orphans not tell when they get hit?

Because who are they gonna tell, their mom?

To a Mexican person: When I first met you, I thought you were going to say, "My name is Enrique, I have a job for you."

I cried when Dad cut onions. Onions was such a good dog.

You're so skinny that when you're driving, you have to put the seat forward to reach the pedals. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

When does a joke become a dad joke?

When it becomes apparent!

When there's no piñata at the party, but the emo kid just hung himself.