When jokes

Hey, I’m not an alcoholic! I only drink 2 times a year. When it’s my Birthday, and when it’s not...

When an orphan takes a selfie, is that its family photo?

When an orphan takes a selfie, is that their family photo?

Yo mama's so fat, when she sits on a dollar, four quarters pop out.

So I left my mom with my baby, and I was terrified when I came back; the wheelchair was in the water.

What do you get when you cross an elephant and a rhino?

Answer: Elephino.

What happens when a depressed kid try’s to high-five a tree?

The tree leaves them hanging.

Shorts go up, pants go down. Body to body, skin to skin. When it's sniff, stick it in. It goes in dry and comes out wet, And the longer it's in, the stronger it gets. It comes out dripping and starts to sag.

It's not what you think it is. It's a Lipton tea bag.

Get your mind together!

Why are dogs born with balls?

They were having their stick moment when they got given birth, too.

What is it called when someone is a wheel chair and in a fire?

Answer: Hot wheels...

When I die, I’ll die in a trash can.

They say we have a primal sense, that we can just feel when someone is watching us.

It’s been a few weeks, and it's clear that you do not have that sense.

What did the fish say when he swam into a wall?

Nothing, because fish can't talk.

Your mom is so fat that when God said, "Let there be light," he asked your mom to move out of the way.

Was drinking in a bar with this girl when I suddenly blacked out. The next morning I received a letter saying they are processing my child benefits application, dafaq? I never had kids.

Yo mama so fat, when she stepped on the scale it said, "To Be Continued."

Once when I was 6, I had a massive crush on a girl in my grade. She liked me too, and we kissed under a tree.

Next day, same spot, but now she's pregnant. That stupid dad stole my girl!

What do you call it when a man gets high in Panera Bread?

Panera sped.

What did the bowler say when the balls were on the lane and the pin? They said, "Strike!" 😂😂😂😂

When you get suspended from school for giving the deaf kid AirPods for his birthday.