When jokes
Your momma so fat, when she stepped on the weighing scales, her phone number came up!
How do you tell when a blonde just lost her virginity?
Her crayons are still wet.
A momma cow and three baby calves are on a farm. The first baby calf asks the momma cow, "Mom, why is my name Rose?"
The mom responded, "Well, you see, when you were born, a rose petal fell on your head."
The second one asks her, "Then why is my name Daisy?"
The mom chuckled and simply replied with, "When you were born, Daisy petals fell on your head."
The last one said, "DUH DUR SURH!"
The mom said, "SHUT UP, CINDER BLOCK!"
Why didn't the kid cancer patients like his joke?
He said, "You'll understand when you get older!"
What do you get when you cross A-Rod with Chris Brown?
Cheater, cheater, woman beater!
What did the computer say when it was tired of the user?
Kiss my ASCII!
So, I was at the gas station drinking a Slurpee when I heard an old lady start talking to me. She says, "Hey, can you check my balance?" so she could buy a chocolate bar.
So, I pushed her over and said, "Not much."
When 9/11 happened, we changed our airport policies. When school shootings happen, we haven't changed anything since the shooting at Columbine in 1999. And we say we want the children to be safe.
What did the 9/11 survivor say when he went back to his family? "You won't believe it! The Twin Towers became conjoined twins when it happened!"
My lesbian friends bought me a gold timepiece for my birthday.
But, I think they got confused when I said, "I wanna watch!"
What did Jesus say when he was left hanging on the cross?
"Well this is one hell of a way to spend my Easter vacation!"
Yo mama so poor that when she went to KFC, she had to lick other people's fingers.
When you reconstruct Michael Jackson and Lil Nas X to wreak havoc on preschool.
My husband asked me to get 6 cans of Sprite at the store. I realized when I got home that I had picked 7-Up.
What do you do when your cat's dead?
Play with the neighbor's pussy instead.
What did the cops say when someone called him racist?
"How can I be racist? My wife's eye is black."
What do spiders and Black people have in common?
When they’re black, they kill you.
What do you call it when a bunch of guys who look the same have an orgy?
A doppelgangbang.
What's the difference between a road bump and children crossing the road?
A road bump will make you slow down when you drive over it.
What do you say when you wake up to the police trying to arrest you?
“C'mon, did ya really think I’d resist arrest?”